hell week...

Be warned this is really long and it well It is sad. But, this is me this is what made me who I am now.. and here is what happened


For everyone that knows me and I MEAN KNOWS ME not just knows me .. KNOW S the real me the deep down me the one that scares even myself sometime (dont worry I am harmless) yall know this is the week. This is the week I go into my cave and think of what if and how could it have been different IF I had kept my daddy on the phone for 10 more minutes. FOr those of you that know me You know that for the longest time and maybe still just a little I blamed myself for my daddy getting killed yes I know to some of you that sounded crazy. BUt I believe this or not I KNOW YOU WILL BE SHOCKED but I can be somewhat selfish at times. HA I know your falling out from the shock right now so I will allow you a moment to get yourself back up. I hide behind my humor alot but it is what gets me through all this maybe I am a little crazy OK ALOT but who woudlnt be for all we have been through. The story goes like this. 11 years ago today I found out my ex husband had been horifically bad amongst all proportions. HE committed the big sin of cheating on me I tried to get him to go to counceling but he turned it all around it was me blah blah you know the drill typical battered wife sad story. THIS story is not about him I dont want it about him that is another whole sad story but he was bad he was a batterer.. he was mean he was nasty. But,HE was a cop But that is not this story ...

My dad was a Deputy sherriff. I idolized my father I was, if you looked up daddys girl in the dictionary MY FACE was sitting there smiling with the halo on top of my head. I had a rough childhood, was in a bad car accident stayed sick alot ROUGH meaning I was sick alot not that I was abused or anything like that by any means I had a great childhood my parents loved me I thought my daddy hung the moon he did no wrong he walked on water in my eyes IF daddy said it then it was in Genesis or Matthew cuz it was written DADDY said..
I left my husband My daddy was 100% behind me and was meeting me that day that horrible day August the 28th, at 5 30 at the lawyers office to sign the papers. I would be the first person in my entire family to get a divorce. Oh how I hated that.I was so ashamed WHY did this have to happen, I did everything I COULD to make that man love me but he just didnt, My daddy told me GET YOUR crapp and GET OUT before he kills you. It was 12:00 lunch time and daddy knew I was about to go to lunch so he called me real quick TO make sure I was ok. We talkd every day at lunch and then every night before I went to bed. BEYOND clockwork. I was having such a hard time with this and was even on medication because all I did was cry all t he time. I was ina demanding job with a communications company and was doing VERY well except for mentally, a bad marriage was destroying my life.. So I thought. ... Little did I know what was about to take place in 18 minutes. Less than half an hour away was THE moment that would change my life forever. Daddy was on the phone making sure I was still gonna meet him at 5 30 at the lawyers office he told me where to go because I was so scared and wanted to know IF I wanted him to just come pick me up and I told him no I have to do this. I felt like he was bailing me out he said NO IM NOT Im just going with you to make sure you dont make bad decisions and you cant go through this alone. cuz that is the kind of daddy he was. He was about to go to lunch and needed to go and I had another call coming in so I told him daddy I love you. and HE always said Love ya babe when he hung up, This time he said it is going to be ok I lov eyou Nancy. I was like i love you too daddy byee already. thent hought that was weird cuz he didnt do the luvyabaBE like we always do. dismissed it and took the call it was the a hole gosh I got off the phone with my dad for the jerk what did he want.. more arguing so I was like IM late for lunch i need to go he was like OK bye. well I ran some errands didnt eat lunch as usual and came back to work had like 20 messages on my desk I was like good lord what now figured it was the Ahole calling. No it was my sister in law. I was thinking good gracious what is going on she never calls me at work. I call her back she said GET IN YOUR CAR go to the hospital Im going huh why? I feel fine ...I dont need a hospital she siad NO it is your daddy well I fell into my chair im like WHAT do yoU MEAN DADDY. I screamed this and everyone was staring at me she said he has been in an accident and That I need to go to the hospital. THoughts flooded me like the gates opened I envisioned a wreck somethign horrid she said no it was an escaped convict daddy was at lunch he has been stabbed IM like WHAT??? ARE YOU ON DRUGS what the hell are you talking about I didnt believe her "I JUST TALKED TO HIM are you DERRANGED??? WHat did you take?" she said no she just talked to the sherriffs dept where he worked "nancy GO NOW "so I hung up on her. SHe called back and got my boss's secretary. Who walked over to me cuz I was sitting in a heap on the floor picking up some papers I threw while yelling at my sister in law. What was she talking about. why woudl she say this. Sonja myu boss's secreatary came to me and said Nancy it is true. OMg I broke loose in a run to the truck she said NO take my car she drove me I was in no shape to drive... I stopped and looked at her I said ITS too late he is dead she said"WHAT how do you know" I said "I just know. " I was a heap of tears...
Well we flew to the hospital I was on the phone the entire time making calls trying to make sense of this I called a hole he was at work he had heard about it I screamed at him he said he was coming to the hospital I didnt want him there but he came anyway which NOW I am kinda glad cuz I thought he had done it but NO he didnt but I knwo how horrible of me to think that at first but i did with all the rage we had at each other. I jumped out of the car before it comepletely stopped (sonja I will never forget you for that day I love you and thank you still) Sonja was like" Nancy wait your purse and where do I go Im like I have no idea I will ask one of these 5 thousand policeman that are standing here... "That is what happens when a cop is killed in line of duty they ALL come to the hospital. I get to the door and see my friend shannon's daddy who is also a deputy. and Shannon works with me HEr dad grabs me said OMG its Nancy. He knew it was about to get ugly. HE said" Nancy Im sorry we tried to save him I said what the F *** do you mean "( I still cant believe I said the F word to shannons daddy)"what doyou meanYOU tried where is he LET ME IN where is my daddy". I was pounding his chest he grabbed me and just cried I was liek omg this is bad and he said nancy "he is gone"
I lost it I fell to the ground. he picked me up said "YOur mother is inside" I shoved past him and this HUMONGOUS cop that was standing guard who grabbed me and I kicked and bucked and yelled "YOU f****g idiot THAT IS MY DADDY IN THERE YOU LET ME GO YOU bastard let me go "and was kicking and flailing. shannons daddy screamed "LET GO OF HER that is his daughter." I ran down the hall him tryin to catch me I see a room the sherriff is standing at the door my mother and my family inside my mommy is sitting ina chair I slid down like I slid into second base many times in the past (just not in liz claiborn heals and adolf suit) and landed face in her lap. SHe said GET THE DR in here now. SHe said "Nancy, they killed him your daddy is dead." I screamed at the top of my lungs NO! NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO you are lying to me I hate you all you are lying. The dr walked in gave me a shot. I sat for what seemed like an eternity thinking no he is meeting me at the lawyers office he cant be dead this isnt happening. This is not happening this is a dream yes a dream IM going to wake up any minute and it will be ok.

The rest comes and goes in a blur.

A kid escaped from a drug rehab and stole a vehicle after stealing a knife from Winn dixie, daddy just happened to pass the guy recognise the vehicle and was closest to him and be the one to pull him over. HE stabbed my daddy 15 times to his death. They caught him 5 miles up the road in a cotton field where he had stabbed himself in the stomach to commit suicide. IT didnt work he is still friggin alive and well butin jail for life. This kid who was 2 years younger than myself.
At 12 18 pm August 28th 1995 changed my life forever. The worst thing to ever happen in my life. This THING of a human took my daddy.

We went through the motions of the funeral. We had press releases We had people everywhere We had cameras tv crews it was like a circus.. I was numb.. my entire life was gone what did I have left. I refused to eat I mean HOW COULD I eat. We went through all the investigations and on top of this the scene of the crime was 3 miles from my house... I passed it almost daily. my daddy was buried 5 miles the other way. I couldnt escape but I didnt want to I would go late at night to my daddys grave and jsut lay there crying beating the ground. why did this happen.
I look back on all this now and yes it does seem so dramatic. and yes I was so full of rage and anger maybe that is why it was so dramatic. We went through the trial. I sat from pitchers mound to home plate from the guy that horrifically murdered my father. I have wheeled a softball fast enough to rip his head off, in my imagination during that trial so many times..One of the things my daddy was proud of me for. I could play some ball. and here I sat in a court room the sherriff at my left between me and my brother .. his deputy on my right and well a WHOLE row of deputies in front of us standing between us and this excuse for a human,. Ya see I screamed at him in passing that i would kill him for what he did and HIs day would come Id tear his head off and shove it down his corpse. I was so full of hate fo rthis kid. They were scared I would do something to hurt myself or get me in trouble. I was so full of hate. I yelled at him did HE KNOW what he did? HE TOOK my daddy away from me... and cried in a heap yeah that is how dangerous I was.

I was so misplaced in my life. I ran from everyone that wanted to help me I wouldnt eat and became almost anorexic, I ran,I continued with the divorce (which was actually a good thing) I ran from GOd I ran from my family I ran from myself. I buried the pain of losing my dad deep. but not my hate for the guy that did it.
IT took me lots OF therapy and LOTS of pain and LOTS of sleepless nights to get to where I am now 11 years later. TO this day many nights I close my eyes and I see that kids face. I relive it in my dreams. Maybe that i why I never sleep... I dunno but I ran till one day I HAD TO deal with this.
NOW at 36.. IT still hurts. I sometimes feel like I am three and want to crawl into his lap and put my head on his chest to hear his heart. He would say "You hear that? Thats yours..... "I wanna hear whats mine!!! It still burns to my soul and I will never have that piece of my heart back. even so many GOOD things though have happened and Yes I do account my daddy being in heaven for part of it. THe braves won the world series the year he died... Coincidence? I think not (have yall seen them play??? you will know it was a miracle) that happened RIGHT after he died HE was their number one fan! SO we say it was him a sign he was ok and in heaven. lol

All this week I will tell you the good stuff the sweet things and HOW I Know my daddy is still here. We will celebrate him with comical stories I have so many! I KNOW HE is watching and is still giving his little girl happiness every day. From sending me butterflies by the thousands.. and weird flowers that bloom when they arent suppose to and a beautiful little girl's wink that looks just like him, little phrases she says that only he and I knew, we shared. Her beautiful eyes that are just like his. her wit and charm well SHE GETS THAT FROM ME (hahaha) yes I have my daddys wit and charm as well. but most of all... HE sent me John. John saved my life. My husband my love my best friend. I KNOW my daddy sent him and his family to me. I am forever grateful to them and him for all the Love and support they show me and for being my family.
BUT most of all My John. I love you and thank you ... Without you I would have died long time ago because when I didnt care enough about my self to live You cared enough for both of us. Thank you for pulling me out of my self hate and the shell of what I was to be able to laugh and smile and love and share this beautiful daughter that we have, and our life. Thank you.

Thank you if you read all of this today. I know It is long but it is me... You now know something alot of people not even some of my family members know. Weird how the words just flow out of us for sometimes strangers. THis week is always hard for me and my family but this year will be different. I say that every year. But This will be the first year I will be away from home. Away from the site where it happened at not laying at his grave. Please remember my mother in your prayers. SHe still as you can imagine has bad times too. she is so strong I dont see how she does it.
Here is the link to the memorial the Sherriffs Department has for my daddy. I want to make a better one. Some day when I can. Ya know it is kinda funny... its been 11 years this year do you know I have 1 scrapbook page on this well actually 2 I have one I did of bella blowing bubble kisses to papaw... and then the one where the 10 year anniversary was in the paper.. those are the only two, I have every news paper clipping I even have grass from the scene of the accident. but I have yet to scrap it..... Maybe this year.....


Memorium The last one on the page.

I love you daddy... and I miss you!

2 more toots! YIPPEE

I have 2 more toots I got 2 emails in my box today that were so exciting. FROm 2 different places! Scrapstreet wants my grill layout and I cant say but my beautiful layout is going to be in a magazine but it wont be in until March .... MARCH good lord that is forever from now. SHe said they may use it in a tutorial though showing the 2 dimensional cutting. I told her GO LOOK AT MY FRIEND JEANNE's blog and go look at Carole's blog you may not want mine after that though THEIRS are amazing!!! She said she will, She is gearing up to do a big article about the three dimensional look that is all the rage in the down under right now but just makin it over to the states and she wants her magazine to be one of the first to have it. IM so excited! WHO KNOWS by March I may have a better one than this but she said she LOVES that photo of Bella. SO who am I to argue.
In other news IM A TOTAL goober but Yall already know this. The lil davis stamps I have the foam ones that I was telling some of you about that when I used it said fLiends instead of FRIENDS.. WEll ughm I fixed it. AFTER I wrote an email to them asking IF I was dyslexic or did a batch get botched (say that 5 times real fast you northerners) and this sweet lady gave me the sweetest reply and said No the batch actually did get botched and I received one of said botched batch... (or something like that) so anyway she said they would gladly send me a new one and quick cuz I have a deadline for scrappy chic. SO anyway I kept picking at the r I mean it was useless to me anyway I cant use FLiends on a layout Id get pinged for sure.. so I figured why not pick at it cuz if something isnt right with the world isn't that what we as humans do? we PICK at it. SO anyway I got it to come off and well...... I fixed it. SO NOW I have to send said sweet lady back ANOTHER email saying OH YEAH by the way... scratch that!!! SO IF ANY OF YOU have the CHRISTMAS FOAM STAMPS from lil davis and the circular frame that says joy, love, fLiends etc.. You can pull the r off carefully (3 drops of undo on it, it has heavy duty adhesive on it they are NOT FUSED TOGETHER AS I THOUGHT) and put it right side up and it is ok... OFF to send a note to the lady that was so sweet at lil davis to say NEVERMIND dont send me another one I FIXED IT forgive me for being a goober and such...YIppee....... ALL IS WELL WITH THE WORLD NOW.
AND THEN she sploded... the blonde child. THe little mini me. She sploded all over the couch and floor. I .......am not sure if hubby shook her up too much before taking her head off or what... but she sploded. That was the only explanation I got when I walked into the living room and said.. YOU been cleaning? (harps start playing and a light from heaven shines down upon the living room) he growls YES, Bella sploded... Ok I look at him and say like IS she ALIVE? or are her remnants all over the living room He said yes (still I was standing confused) he said SHE puked OK! I said OH and a chuckle (thanking GOD I was in bed during that one and he got a total pay back for all the other puke and other fluids I have worn in her short 3 years) then with all the concern of the mother that I am , Isaid WEll? IS she ok? He said yeah she is asleep. Ok ... SO did you clean it all up Yup I sure did. MEN.. NO DETAILS at all!! I guess that is kinda good. WOW THings are going so good today. IM SO SCARED to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow the sky will definitly be falling IT has been a beautiful karma day!

hurray hurray Nana Is here

BElla has been keeping Nana really busy while she is here. They have been coloring up a storm, playing outside and shopping. She is so happy her nana is here and I AM TOO. I feel a bit better today but then again.. I didn't do a thing. I slept most of it. That is probably why I feel better. I get too over zealous and forget I just had surgery and wanna pick up Bella for snuggles or get up too fast BUT IT QUICKLY reminds me HEY don't do that. I scrapped a little tonight YEAJ! I am working on submissions for a design team entry coming up. Had to do my own handwriting and doodling for one of them BLAHHHHHHKKKK. She will know now WHY I DONT do my own handwriting. I hope it doesn't knock me out of getting it cuz my hand writing is pretty bad. ID love to post it here and get yall's opinion if I should submit it but then I wouldn't be able to submit it cuz it has to be a layout NOT seen before. Actually it is a layout I never finished and I redid it to accomodate this... SO I hope that is ok. Note to self ASK ABOUT THAT. Bella is going to 3K monday AHHH! Is so hard to believe she is growing up WAY too fast. But that is ok IT was great to be able to go to the store (well send hubby I sure didnt go) and NOT HAVE to get diapers/pullups IT Was amazing! SHe doesnt need them she is doing sooo good with Potty. IM so very proud of her. SO now we get to go to Disney world yipeee. We are deciding if we are still gonna go this november (my medical bills may not let that happen) or next spring. Probably next spring is more likeit but we will see. Have a great day and I will see you tomorrow :)

Oh OWW ughhh

I took a picture earlier of Bella and nana coloring but I feel to crappy to put it on here Im laying in bed watcing americas got talent (that is debatable by some of these acts) and dying, I feel horrible today, I forgot last night in my sleep i had wandered off the pillows and was laying flat and sat straight up. I heard a pop and omg the pain started. John called my dr today they called me in darvocet which made me throw up like 3 times so far. OK when you have surgery DOWN THERE and then you THROW UP this dont work good so NOW IM DYING and they cant call in anything stronger they told me to take more phenegren it iwll knock me out eventually,
THIS IS THE NURSE RECOMENDATION Im like OOOk , whihc I guess there really isnt anything they can do short of me going to the er cuz they cant call in anything stronger, SO I am trying to distract myself,
Donna D, jumped out of an airplane today or err tomorrow whichever cuz she is in new zealand is it today or tomorrow I cant remember but she did, WHY THE HECK would anyone jump out of a perfectly good airplane that isnt on fire or crashing for the love of chocolate??? IF I WAS TO JUMP there is something major bad happening I am here to tell you.
WE have a chat with Melody Ross tonight of Chatterbox at the bliss I CANT WAIT I hope I can feel up to going IM SURE GONNA TRY, I keep missing them (bad nancy bad)
SO happy my little bit is home My friend Jeanne made a layout with Bellas sweet face on it CHECK IT OUT is sooo cute she rocks I jsut love her what an awesome friend to have ya know,
Im gonna lay back for a few minutes and pray i can make it to melodys chat

and then there were hormones

EVERYTHING today is making me cry. John went to the grocery store and I told him Im having a major chocolate craving so he got me a 6 pack of hershey bars. HE brought me one back to bed and I was like thank you honey and savoured every tiny square one by one. I got up to walk and when I made it down the hall way, saw in the kitchen on the counter the rest of the package.. I just boo hoo'd. John came in said I have a surprise for you Im squalling like a baby I said I know I saw the chocolate (while blowing my nose in tissues) he said yeah but thats not it Im like awww and I cry more what is it? he said IM GOING TO GO GET BUG oh gosh the flood gates erupted I was squalling like a baby. Thank you Thank you Thank you. He was like GEEZ your welcome quit crying already.
His mother is coming back also to wrestle with Bella and spend time with her and us, but they will be in our house so I can still see and hear my kiddo. I missed her sooooooo much. NOW I KNOW in a few days Ill be pulling my hair out wondering what in the world was I thinking. BUT man this house is so huge and so quiet without her. Im a very happy mommy tonight only 3 more hours and they will be here. Im feeling better and stronger each day. really tired but I know that is expected. SO happy I have all of you .. my friends praying for me. Thank you each and every one of you even the ones that don't know that I know that you are here... Thank you I miss you so much and it means more to me than you will ever in your life know. Well my ss class is droppin by tonight so I guess I need to get in the shower and brush my tooth.. get it..tooth hahaha ok maybe the meds havent worn off all the way yet forgive me. I am anxious to get well and get back to church and scrappin and chic fil a days. Bella will start back to school soon so we wont have our girls days that much but we will have to sneak some in. Ballet starts soon too! YIKES John is still wanting her to take karate I want her to take ballet she wants to do both karate ballerina... I can see it now.

Missin my bug

One thing I didn't count on after this surgery is the flood of hormones. I could just cry over nothing. I miss my baby girl SOOO MUCH it physically hurts (or is that actually real pain from the actual surgery who knows ......who cares) I didnt think Id miss her as much as I do but then I didnt realise SHE Was gonna be gone as long too. I am about to plan a pure mutiny if my hubby doesnt commit to sooner than Saturday to go get her, Im thinking Thursday maybe wed, he keeps getting later in the week. This is his vacation time he is taking so I know he needs some recoup time as well. I did get up more today and do a little more today than I have been doing and I figure I will feel the remifications of that tomorrow. I havnt taken pain meds in a while like a long while today. WE are MAKING PROGRESS PEOPLE! I got in the mail some coool heidi swapp stuff today from the scrapbook fairy THANK YOU SCRAPBOOK FAIRY (your welcome nancy) (since I got no flowers in the hospital thi swill do, thank you honey) I love it it is beautiful.
I got the chipboard clocks in pink and brown, the big and little assorted flowers, bling iron on words (they are so stinkin cute) and some rub ons and the chipboard tags and other stuff that rocks I got the autumn leaves rhonna farrer stamps the fluerishes (love those) and alot of lil davis paints and dazzle what every girl needs to bling any project. I got some older lil davis things that were on clearance for little of NOTHING for Christmas pages Im working on (when I get to) and for cards. I will take a photo and let yall drool with me, NEXT purchase is that my minds eye bohemian line OMG and the urban lilly YUMMY!!! ANDREA is going to get me in big trouble mister I must get well and get some fundage for my projects. WEll that is all for today. I figure hubby can blow money on cigarettes to kill himself with I can at least spend on something to preserve his memory so the blonde child will know who he is. Until tomorrow muuuah

Land of the living

AHHH to be a part of the land of the living... did anyone catch the plates on that bus that ran over me????
I actually do feel better. I can swallow without screaming. I can sit up without praying for death. My neck still looks like I was in some horrid sky diving accident (that is my story and im stickin to it.... sounds so much more interesting than oh they screwed up my neck during surgery doesn't it?Oh well we will have to go with the real deal no matter how boring sorry..) I just ate real food for the first time in a week never thought I would appreciate grilled cheese toast that way. I am certain it won't be long now I will be back at the scrapping world cuz gosh I need to I have projects laughing at me from down the hallway. Deadlines are flying towards me and here I lay..... I will be glad once this is all healed and life can get back to normal. Im tired of REALLY bad television . ITS amazing that we have so many channels and still nothing to watch. As soon as I can stand up without the world spinning out of control and my fever gets back down to normal I can get back to my life. I miss my baby so bad I know she is wondering what is going on and why she cant see her mommy. Who am I kidding she is probably so rotten by now she stinks. she is playing with AUNT BIZ (aunt liz) and following Nana around like a puppy dog. WEll I am going to lay back down and do what I have been doing well, sleep and sweat. LOVIN those hormones huh.

counting on down

Well Im counting it down... In just over 13 hours from now.... the big cut! Im excited but sad, anxious and nervous and ready to get it over with. Then recovery ahhh the week of boredom. YOu can check on http://justjeanne.blogspot.com/ and she will post updates after the surgery. Then when I am able to get online I can tell you how much more wonderful I feel.

the countdown is on..

Bella has gone to her "Aunt Wiz's hoyews" (how she says it) she was so excited. Here she is getting ready love that wrinkly nose.
I was going to work in my scrap room, organizing today and getting projects finished but woke up to a nasty headache and nauseau. Hubby wanted me to ride with him to Mississippi to take Bella, and I ussually don't pass up the chance since there are some awesome scrapbook stores up there, but my rear didnt feel that those rough roads for 3 hours one way and coming back tonight would work esp since I wasnt feeling well. So instead I have held the bed down once again. This elsucko's but I KNOW soon I will feel like a million dollars and be scrappin like a mad woman. So have a good saturday and dont forget to brush your teeth. (Bella's parting words when she left this morning lol I tell her that every morning before she leaves so I told her 5 times since she was going to be at Aunt liz's all week. I got 5 hugs and kisses too and a couple extra just cuz!)

the countdown is on..

Bella has gone to her "Aunt Wiz's hoyews" (how she says it) she was so excited. Here she is getting ready love that wrinkly nose.
I was going to work in my scrap room, organizing today and getting projects finished but woke up to a nasty headache and nauseau. Hubby wanted me to ride with him to Mississippi to take Bella, and I ussually don't pass up the chance since there are some awesome scrapbook stores up there, but my rear didnt feel that those rough roads for 3 hours one way and coming back tonight would work esp since I wasnt feeling well. So instead I have held the bed down once again. This elsucko's but I KNOW soon I will feel like a million dollars and be scrappin like a mad woman. So have a good saturday and dont forget to brush your teeth. (Bella's parting words when she left this morning lol I tell her that every morning before she leaves so I told her 5 times since she was going to be at Aunt liz's all week. I got 5 hugs and kisses too and a couple extra just cuz!)

OH MY GAWESH

Jeanne Inspired me so much with her page she did I had to do one too. I love this technique so much but I DONT THINK I WILL be doing alot of them since it hurts ya hands so much ahahahaha
I am so JEALIN OVER JEANNE'S stash and hanging out with DONNA TODAY! Man none of the cool people ever come down here! REckon Im gonna just have to come to them!! LOVIN that cosmo cricket wanted to jump through the phone and snatch those flourishes up from her too! Check out her photos and stash on her blog (its the crossroads ~~~~~~~~>over there under my blog links.) THey looked like they had soooo much fun! SO while the dr is sawing me in half I will be dreaming about all the beautiful goodies she is sitting there scrapping with... ::Insert the sad violin music here:: NO it is ok that I will not be able to scrap and suffer in silence I will put my adhesive under my pillow so I will ahve sweet dreams while they RIP OUT MY INNARDS.... ::harp soloist plays here:: its ok I will manage I know I will survive and scrap again ::overture with flutes in the background resumes:: I know this will not keep ....::music halts:: OK OK YEAH I KNOW ABOUT MY DOG STORY I WROTE IT REMEMBER. hahahahah Just pokin a little fun at ya Jeans!! I cannot WAIT to see what you create with it and say Hi to DONNA for me I have SO scraplifted I mean used her books for inspiration a million times She rocks big time! OK I need to go see if these pizza rolls have anything Im allergic to in them Hubby had a cheesy grin when he served them to me. hehahaha. HAVE FUN!! KEEP SCRAPPIN or as bella says DEEP CRAPPIN!

OH YESSS!

I get to the dr today for all the preliminary stuffs and we are going over my list of questions I got from the site Elise gave me THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT it really helped called www.hystersisters.com and come to find out.. he pulls up my pap results AND THEY WERE NORMAL. THE LAB called me by accident AND IT WASNT EVEN THEIR LAB! IT was a mere coincidence that I had been to the gyno in the last few weeks WAS REALLY WEIRD. HE said OUR OFFICE calls NOT A LAB. I said well they said it was labtech or lab corb or corp with my results from my pabst smear and the results were abnormal I need to follow up with my ob/gyn His face fell he said NO NONONONO that wsa not us and he went over ita lla gain. SO THANK YOU GOD THAT wasnt me but I feel so sorry for the person that it was for that thinks they have a normal one and didnt receive that call they should have received. That is scary. SO that was my good news for today. Im anxious and ready to get this over with!

Amazing what a haircut can do for ya!

It is simply amazing just how much a haircut can make you feel better. I think I lost at least 5 lbs. Melissa swears my hair is coming back in THICKER than it did in the first place after I had those chemo treatments last year. Mind you THEY were NOTHING compared to what Cancer patients have to take this was a 1/4 dose maybe if that much equivelant. We looked back in the side effects and hair loss is a major one along with shingles and pneumonia WELL DUHHH. I guess the good lord blessed me with a HUGE amount of hair cuz mine didnt fall out like alot of other people i have talked to or we didn't notice because I have so much hair.... OH BUT NO I DID have shingles 3 times... TWICE on one side even. IT WAS CRAZY. My dr just shook his head. His carnote loves me. I just took my last dose of valtrex that is what made me think of it and the fact I got a hair cut..
I also got my eyebrows ripped out. AMazing how that makes you look so much better.. besides the fact I have these two HUGE equal signs that are red on my forehead..and on my eyelids but then again, I was starting to look like BERT on sesame' street so It was pretty painful. Melissa went on and on about how thick Bellas hair was. She was blessed with a GORGEOUS head of hair. BUT then again John and I both have thick thick hair as well. Poor kid she will know the term texturize before she is 4 years old.
We went to target afterwards. I was exhausted but I had to get some more of those blame mattress pads as I call them. GOOD LORD I think I will bleed to death before we get all this done. Not to mention my ice cream habit ( I REALLY GOT TO GET OVER THAT ONE) I am hearing others mention as well when they had cysts and endo and all this crapp I have, that they had severe cravings as well so I DONT feel quite as bad. I have been dying for ice cream with that topping that hardens when you pour it on.. NOT JUST chocolate but the as bella calls it CARMAMEYULL too. We have to have both cuz we are GIYULLS (girls) she is such a mess. I have been needing chocolate in the worse way to the point I would cry I needed it so bad. That is just sad. Well that is all for today. I got my viewpoints in tonight so Im working on that so maybe at least one project out of the way before I get the big cut. OH AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY TO NOTE I FINALLY GOT SOME ADHESIVE whehwhehww!! (pause for applause)

Sorry no major words of wisdom for tonight.. except for one...you didnt think I was gonna let you out of this without SOME kinda wise crack did you? I thought not! I will let Mr Mark Twain close my blog thoughts for tonight with this: NOISE proves NOTHING... Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she has laid an asteroid.... I will leave you alone to think on that one a minute... IT will come to you I promise ::wink::
See you tomorrow

Misery? Table for one?

AHHHh its finally here. WE got "THE DATE" the date that is THE date that will end all doubt if there will ever be another child in our future. I KNOW I KNOW what a silly thing to be contemplating right now with all I have wrong but .. Its so FINAL. The dr said IF your going to have more children NOW is the time. He gets back my labs... says OK you need a hysterectomy. Stage 4 endometriosis and precancer cells on the uterus... WoW.
You know this is something you think about all your life every month when you have to deal with "mr monthly" and all its horriblness. You wish you didnt have to do this or why cant I just have a hysterectomy...Man sometimes I wanna pick a bone with Eve when I get up to the gate at the garden of eden ya know.
It is part of what makes us a woman. It is what enables us to bring that sweet baby home from the hospital. I know this is the best thing and actually it is the ONLY thing that there is to do at this point. Not only will my over all health be better but it could actually end up saving my life depending on how bad it is when they get in there. But also this is supposed to keep my lupus in remission. THe study says my hormone levels are all out of whack (nooo you must be kidding me) and that it could be the end to medication and so many other horrors in my life. IT could be over. Wow... over. IT will be over. IT will be a new aspect of living It will be a new adventure it will be no more oh GOsh what is today's date.. do I have female products.. did I wait the appropriate 15 minutes before I jumped my hubby's bones... No more every month going please please no lord please I can't be pregnant Or oh please please please lord just let that stick turn blue. No more possibility. BUT so much freedom. No more wondering, No more fear of that pabst smear result saying what we now know to be true. abnormal results What is that about anyway.... PRE cancer cells of the uterus.... I feel like it is the marcing band coming up the road before th e the freak show. BUT ....NO more laying on the heating pad for days as I watch my little angel playing in my make up and feeling so crappy I dont even care that it was the last of my "good kind"
But add being able to play chase with my 3 year old.. to go to the park.. to go to the zoo OH TO go to the BEACH oh I wanna go with her to the beach... in the SUN and not worry about remissions and flare ups. So much of my life is passing me by right here in this bed wishing. I have this beautiful precious little girl GOd gave me this... why?! would I even think he wouldnt let this heal me? So ABOVE everything else I can be what I have wanted my entire life to be and not just normal I mean im so far past normal Im over that already.. but that is to be best wife and mommy in the whole wide world to the ones that I love more than life itself. My little girl and the man that gave her to me.
I want to be the best friend I can be to my friends. I want to be there for them as they are for me right now as Im going through all this. TO some this may seem like OH nothing "you will be fine my dear aunt so and so had this and that and blah blah" WELL let me tell you LET THEM PULL THAT KNIFE OUT AND AIM IT AT YOUR OVARIES and TELL ME YOU DONT RETHINK SOME CRAPP KWIM???!!! It will make you look at all the snarky, philosophical bs that goes on in blogs and the internet world and go Man get off your nail. People get upset and over react for many a reason but ya know in the grand scheme of things when it comes down to it just talking to the other person and not jumping to conclusions can mend many a broken heart if your strong enough to do it. IT takes a STRONG person to humble and try to mend a fence. ANd sometimes even worse if you see two people who were the best of friends and now they are at each others throats over a misunderstanding, you say something thinking it will make the person rethink their stance or at least talk to the other one and the person goes off into haitas again.. SO do you say omg get mad and reply with something worse, pray hard for this person cuz GOD KNOWS if this is their attitude they have in life THEY NEED all the good lords help they can get. Or try to convince them that ya know THERE ARE WORSE THINGS in the world. There are people out there fighting to stay alive that could give a crapp that you got your feelings hurt even though it means everything in the world to you right this second JUST like all I think of is having this surgery right now and staring at sad possibilities ,ANd if that doesnt make enough sense to you LET me break this down for you.

My favorite southern story My grandma used to tell us. ITS about this DOG layin' on a nail. THe dog just HOWWWLLLS and HOWLLLS and whines all day everyone walks by the dog and pats it on the head. finally someone asks the old man sitting on the porch whats wrong with that there dog why does he yawl like that all the time. THe old man replies OH he would feel fine if he just got up off that nail he is layin on.. BUT if he did get off his nail a whole lot less people would pat him on his mangey head. DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN the Moral of that storY? IF your a little slowit means QUIT YOUR WHINing and get off the nail already. PEople get tired of hearing anyone whine. Nothing is going to be solved while your still layin on that nail. Unless the company that YOU keep LOVES misery. DING DING... Your table is ready.

I wanted to give a shout out today to the muse girls, Thank you for raising my stats today!

In other news still calling insurance company today. IT Is to the point of ridiculous. John called and they told him a completely different story they dont know why there is a 500.00 difference..... SO he is going to call the dr office again this afternoon. Maybe he can get somewhere with them. I keep getting the chic's voice mail. I hate that! SO we still don't know anything. I am so ready to get this over with. There are so many other things in life to get on with than to have to fool with such garbage. WEll I am off to go relax a bit before Bella bug comes barrelling in.

check out my pub page

Check out www.scrapstreet.com and see if you recognise a cute little girl on page 2 swimming :)
I have several toots to come up later (is that not THE MOST EXCITING THING TO SAY!!) I am up to number 6 in the last few weeks!!!! WHO would have ever thought!! (not me) Ok I will try to contain my excitment! Im ready for the goods to start rollin in AINT Nothin better than gettin box's of goodies. Stupid med is having adverse reaction and Im wired to the gill.. HOW much does that el sucko.

So what are you doing right now? Besides reading my boring blog? HUH HUH? shouldn't you be working or something? That is ok I am happy you are here reading this. So now get up and do the happy dance with me WHEHWHEHEW I got pub'd I hope hope hope I can get out today (I still need that dang adhesive) Hubby laughed when I asked him to go by and pick it up. So I guess I will just have to keep using this crappy kind until I feel well enough to get out. ::sigh:: that is ok I bet I can get it online and have them shipt it (LIGHTBULB) I KNOW I can order it online and have them ship it WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT! YOU are so smart THANKS! ciao~

borrrrrrinnnnggggggg

I AM SOOOOOO FRIGGIN BOREDDDDDDDDDDDD! but I can say WOW I have more toots rolling in. SO exciting to see! I will tell you more about that later I am so excited I needed some good news today!
On the homefront I have held my bed down all day today I still feel burning in my arms from the meds they gave me. Every time I get up hubby shoves another pill in my mouth and says go back to bed. GEE aint he sweet lol WEll the dr said more rest the better and the less active I am maybe it will stop the bleeding. IM so ready to get this over with but every time I look up they keep saying OH we have to do this and this im like OK ALREADY hook up the hoover grab your exacto and lets do this! NO time like the present. I mean geez! Im ready to do it myself people!!! I want to scrap I want to feel better so lets get on with this. I have so many t hings waiting to get done until after this so Im just anxious Oh yeah did I mention patience is not one of my great attributes? ::sigh::

YIPPEE

WELLLllll I emailed back and forth with "legacy" magazine all day friday..... I can still do it . Here is what she said when I explained I wouldn't be able to do it since I made the tray for another publication :


Hi Nancy,We are actually interested in the tray for next year’s issue of Somerset Home. Since we have a few months, did you want to create one especially for the issue?Best regards,Rebecca Ittner



Well I was like HECK YEAH! SOOO I think IM just going to send this one to them after I am done with all the current stuff and then send it to them. THEN if I want to do them as Christmas gifts I can make another one. Sooo I am excited again. We emailed back and forth she wants one identicle to this one I said no problem how many ya need!

SO anyway I got all my deadlines done for Scrappy chic magazine. I did an extra one this time after my friend Jeanne ::waving HI JEANNE:: so inpired me by her friend Carole's blog OMGawesh this chic is amazing! So then I go and see what Jeanne did (see her blog its called crossroads under my links) and I was like hmm I wanna try that. SO I did one too. I cant show you yet I have to wait to see if Scrappy chick picks it up. IF SO then you can see it there if not I will post it. She has some amazing submissions so I doubt mine will get picked. My husband wasnt crazy about it. He said he didnt get the entire concept of the 3 dimensional. He was in a crabby mood today so I dunno if he REALLY didnt like it or was just being crabby. Regardless he later said He could tell I put alot of work into it and I did good he thought... he just didn't care for that style...it was too something he just didnt know what... I tried to explain to him about trends and style and well anyway sometimes You just dont like it. No biggie.
OK so I have a new respect for people that do all that cutting out I could hardly bend my fingers this morning lol
I am ready to get on my projects for AUgust. IT will be a rough month for me with the surgery and all so I want to get them done and over just in case. I have rotation for the view on Untamed this time as well so I have articles to write and pages to finish for them. I have alot to do on that. I have been so busy with getting these done I havnt done much other but it is over. Im trying to get everything in order so when I do the surgery things will run smooth (great theory huh hahaha) Hard to do when you feel crappy. I laid on the heating pad most of today. I did watch flightplan tonight Omgawesh thatwas a freaky movie I was like GO JODIE slam him! I normally dont watch those kinds of movies. But it was good. I will leave Bella home if I ever fly! I wanna go to church in the morning but still running temp. I almost cried. IM SO SICK OF THIS HOUSE!!!! John said he would drive me down to the beach to look if I wanted. I just stared at him. He knows Im miserable. I feel like a fat slob right now and look like the michelon man on steroids. I need a hair cut and I cant fit into my clothes. MISERABLE. BUT THis too shall pass (I keep saying that) Well that is all she wrote for today. Bella has been so cute on the computer. She calls it the BIG POOTER. She did sing 5 little monkeys today for Jeanne. and some other song I have no clue what she was jabbering. She gets her own language going. Anyway take care and rest well tomorrow hug your family and tell em ya love em. I sure love mine!

Creating a geek

It was bound to happen. We are a internet connected family. We have family all over these here united states and we knew it was coming sooner or later. We would welcome our mini member of the geek squad. Well It is official. She heard YOU'VE got mail and she was so excited. Her favorite thing to do is go to playhouse disney and play the games. We constantly hear NO BEDDA DUDE IT! she wants us to show her NOTHING she does everthing my by self. we have officially created a geek!

WELL who woulda ever thunk it!

I am in a state of shock yall! I got this rockin letter from legacy magazine. Seems SOMEONE sent a tray that I made to them for a submission for me and THEY WANT IT. (no Im not mad at you for doing that it was really sweet and I thank you for it) Yeah, Imagine my total shock when I got the letter. Now, My dilema is: I made the tray for another site that I am a designer for. SOOO of course my first obligation is to them. BUT, can you imagine. Here I am a nobody and all of a sudden I have a piece that 2 places want!! (where is my mouth hanging open like a fly catcher blinkie at?) I woulda never thunk it! Not in a million years. I guess the honor alone is at least kill over(shocking) to me. SO I sent a reply back to legacy and told them my dilema and that I appreciate the offer but since I had made the item for a specific task on a site that I am a designer for I have my first obligation with them. I NEVER IN A KABILLION years thougth I would be turning down A MAGAZINE TO PUBLISH MY WORK.... WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TOO. It will end tomorrow IM TELLING YOU GUYS! I am on such a roll right now I PRAY I never get off this roller coaster. My sister in law keeps telling me it is Karma and it is my turn. wow. I think it is amazing. You never know.. Legacy may want it bad enough to wait a while for it.. we will see what they sayor if they even reply. I need to get going on another design team. I put in for bliss but IM not gonna hold my breath. THERE ARE SOME AMAZING people, big time pub'd, people applying there and I doubt they are gonna pass them up! BUT, I need the challenge of it, and it is another rockin place. I don't wanna over extend but I do so much better when I have tasks and deadlines. (and cool product to work with) I LOVE being a designer for scrappy chick and so excited and honored to do it! AWESOME people there amazing talent I feel like a crayon at a oil paint convention compared to those ladies omg they are amazing! BUT, IT helps having the deadlines and the tasks. I need the excitement and I need to scrap. I get out of my box more and make myself do things I wouldnt normally do. It keeps my mind busy and my hands working. What about you? what helps you get going on scrapping? WHat makes you get things done?
I know I have alot coming up though health wise but man I can sit in bed with the lap top and post away. There is so much more to being ona design team than posting layouts. It is chatting with others. Making people feel welcomed and comfortable somewhere they can hang out find a friend to scrap with. I bet there are lots of scrappers out there like me that suffer from ailments that don't getout and scrap that often at crops etc and they LOVE the online life of being able to interact at will with other scrappers! I LOVE it and I can scrap in my pj's and not worry about my hair rofl! I mean my gosh nat'l sb day I scrapped from bed with shingles ROFL... (can you say I LOOKED LIKE QUASSIMOTTO FROM HUNCHBACK!) Now that is a true scrapbooker my friend!!!
Meanwhile. I HAVE a HUGE to do list tomorrow. I MUST go to hobby lobby I have like a tiny tiny bit of adhesive left and it is getting serious (the fact they have a 40% off coupon helps loads too haha esp with John keeping me on the we aint got no money diet I mean budget ) I have to get this card box (see previous posts) to shannon's mom. (yall pray for her as she is undergoing her treatments for cancer she is feeling really icky right now and in the hospital. I have to call the dr office about my surgery to find out what progress was made with the insurance company and if my records made it there yet. Bella has school tomorrow because it is show and tell/pajama day and she sooo wants to go. I was gonna keep her with me but we decided she could go for most of the day. I have another project I need to work on anyway. I hope I am not forgettting anything I need to get my planner finished so I can have my list made out. I DO SO Much better with a list. what about you? DO You make lists? ( I love marking off tasks accomplished how much does that rock!!) I did catch up on my posting at www.scrapthatmoment.com tonight. Now I gotta go catch up the others! I NEED A HAIR CUT IN THE MOST HORRIBLE WAY. It is growing all catawompas in from when I had to take that chemotherapy treatment back last year and is still all growing back in and stuff it really didnt fall out much just broke off and looked eww but it is growing back different lengths.. is freaky and sticking up like a rooster on crack right now. well Im off.. to go read this letter from legacy one more time but beam at knowing im gonna have the piece published in Scrappychick (if yall havent seen that magazine you MUST see it at www.scrappychick.com they are the ROCKINEST Chicks I have ever met! I also have a pub in www.scrapstreet.com magazine in august I still dont know who made cover yet but she told me I was in a running for it so Im like flippin excited for that! I am diva of the month at www.untamedscrapper.com you will see my smilin face on the COVER of THE VIEW there this month stop bye and wave at us! I have an article that will go in next months view there also... still have the Hobby lobby pub coming up too with an older layout of Bella at the pumpkin patch SO GOOD THINGS are happnin' here! I am living proof you guys NEVER EVER GIVE UP! keep posting keep creating and if you really have it in your heart and it is what the good lord wants you to do THERE WILL BE A WAY! He is throwin doors open all over the place at me right now with HUGE BLINKIN LIGHTS saying HELLOOO ENTER HERE!!!!! I just gotta get off my butt and stagger through it!

lemme see your WHUUUUUUUAHHHT?

OK so THIS PAGE HAD TO BE DONE. I saw this rapper dude (sorry If I am not hip enough to remember dudes name) on a talk show as I was changing channels. I swore the dude was saying LET ME SEE YOUR GRILL. I busted out laughing I was like WHy the heck does he wanna see someone bar b que.. Ok sorry I know I KNOW I am so NOT a hip hop up with the or down with the what the heck ever stuff. Well I watch the segment because I was so intrigued on why the world someone would write an entire song about wanting to look at someone s grill. THe dude explains it and shows the thing On his TEETH (yes people his teeth) and I was like OHHH well THAT MAKES SOOO MUCH more SENSE to me NOWWWWWww! :;insert extremely sarcastic eyeroll here::: I thought it would be on something that was SO MUCH MORE lame than Putting something shingy on your teeth for DECORATION... HOW UNHIP of me to think.. whatever ok... SO I go around singing Lemme see your BAR BE QUE GRILLLLLLL (huge southern accent added) and lemme see yourrrrrr NEW car GRILL for days. Driving everyone nuts (as I do so well) so I had to do this page. IF for no other reason than to aggravate my husband (hi honey muahhh lu ya) so anywayyy I figured since dudes teeth were so blingy why not bling my grill. The photo didnt do real well but anyway here she is: My hubbys Grill ( ask him about the 15 minute assembly the box said was required bwwwaahhhhahahaa NOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTT more like 2 hours) anyway that is the second page to come after I get over this one.

If you havn't figured out yet.. I cannot sleep tonight. I drank about 2 oz of sweet tea to take my night time medications with (yes my small meal in a little cup) I see dollar signs every time I swallow that handfull. That which will not kill me will make me.... CHOKE CUZ IT cost too much to live GOOD GRACIOUS!! ok so that also is another story entirely anyway. SO I havn't had any caffeine in a long time so Me + caffeine = AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I am high enough off life but add a dash of caffeine in the mix and oh boy (you get layouts with HUGE shiny letters on them after rap songs that I have no clue what they are referring to) I am sure we will look back in several years on this page and laugh cuz sir mix a snoop dogz alot or whoever that sings that song, I'M SURE, is SOOoo not impressed with my rendition (witha southern twang added) SO now every time yall hear that song (which knowin all yall it will be alot cuz you are all hip hop enthusiasts and listen to that kind of music HA!) You will think lovingly and reverently of me( dancing around pestering people to see them bar b cue me some CHIKunNNN!) NIGHT!

YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME

WILL IT EVER END!!!! I have a dadgum abcess in my back top tooth in between two teeth. seems there was a crack in it and something got in it and it got infected. SOOOO now they want to get the infection out before doing surgery cuz if the abcess leaks and gets in the blood stream while under this anesthesia it can cause a heart attack (that is the most severe there are other minor things that could happen but this is me we are talking about Id probly fall out and just ALMOST die and be a vegetable the rest of my life.. like bob the tomatoe but not as animated. SOOOO here we go again. The insurance company is giving us the run around they want to do the surgery at SPringhill (duh?) because it is cheaper.... HUH? Yeah I wanna save money but ughmm not on surgery is where I wanna cut a corner ok!!! All my "ologist" are at Providence, NOW wouldn't it make sense to have the surgery there where everyone is located? HELLOOOO makes you wonder if there are any lights on upstairs!! GEEZ. SOOooo anyway.
Finishing up my projects for Scrappychic magazine (www.scrapthatmoment.com) hopefully mine will get picked (I hope so Im driving myself to the brink of insanity over them) so we will see. You should go check em out they have a BEAUTIFUL top notch site going on. Im honored to be a designer for them. OK I gotta go cook Bella some "chick Al aye" (she calls all chicken nuggets chick fil a) and PRAY TO GOD she takes a nap cuz I sure need one. MUUUAAAAHHH and OH by the way. HUGE shout out to jeanne today HOPE your feeling better my friend and your jaws arent hurting. just bite the bullet and get it done.. You will feel better in the long run I KNOW it stinks right now but hey you can call me we can cry together rofl!

Miss susie Q tagged me again!

100 silly questionsHere are my answers to my 100 silly questions. I tag scraptomylu and teri lynne and lissa and beth to do it next (heheheeh dont yall love me)


:1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?How would I know? Im asleep...
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?YUP
3. Have you ever 'done it' in a hotel room? well yeah duhhh.
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?NO but been in the car with someone that did.
5. Do you like to use post-it notes?Yep sure do
6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?Sometimes
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?Neither
9. Do you always smile for pictures?depends (hey what happned to number 8 isnt this 99 questions now?)
10. What is your biggest pet peeve?ughm questionaires, no im kidding! snarky people and mean people
11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?Out hubby has big feet.
12. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?depends
13. Have you ever peed in the woods?Yup
14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?Yes, don't you hear my neighbors laughing
15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?NO
16. How many times have you scrapbooked this week?3 to 4 times
17. Do you like popcorn from those big tins?No it is always stale and gross
18. What is your "Song of the week"? Little rabbit fu fu.. bella is stuck on that one (now i cant get it out of my dadgum head.)
19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?depends on the guy2
0. Do you still watch cartoons?Yes
21. Whats your favorite scary movie?none they are all dumb
22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?why would I tell you that? You would just come get it and it wouldnt be hidden anymore you think Im stupid or what? (don't answer that)
23. What do you drink with dinner?Usuallysweet Tea until dr said I cant have it so water
24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?honey mustard
25. What is your favorite food?Tijuana flats
!26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?Baby Boom, men in black, one crazy summer
27. Last person you kissed/kissed youMyhubby
28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?yes
29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?NOT on purpose but then again why would they ask unles it was one of those magazines saying YOU KNOW YOU NEED PLASTIC SURGERY AND DIET WHEN:
30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?this morning to my hubby to pick up something at store
31. Can you change the oil on a car?why would you change oil on a car dont you need to be under it?
32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?Yes
33. Ran out of gas?No
34. Favorite kind of sandwich?tomatoe and bacon
35. Best thing to eat for breakfast?waffles
36. What is your usual bedtime?when i get sleepy
37. Are you lazy?NOT ussually unless I feel bad
38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for halloween?sure did
40. How many languages can you speak? does interpreting my daughter count? ok 1
41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?yep
42.Which are better legos or lincoln logs?Leggos
43. Are you stubborn?I refuse to answer and YOU cant make meeee!
44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman?Leno
45. Ever watch soap operas?not on purpose
46. Afraid of heights?Yes
47.When do you sing in the car?All the time
48. Dance in the shower?you think I wanna die? Id bust something
49. Dance in the car?Now how in the ..... I aint even gonna ask
50. Ever used a gun?Yes
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?June
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?mostly
53. Is christmas stressful?Yes but It should not be5
4. Ever eat a pierogie?a what?
55. Favorite type of fruit pie? blackberry
56. Occupations you wanted to be as a child? a fireman, a country music singer, charlies angels, daisy on the dukes of hazard
57. Do you believe in ghosts?No
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?yeah
59. Take a vitamin daily?sometimes
60. Wear slippers?not ussually
61. Wear a bath robe?sometimes
62. What do you wear to bed?PJ's
63. First concert?Charly Mclain
64. Wal-Mart, Target, or K-Mart?Target/walmart
66. Cheetos Or Fritos?cheetos
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?both
68. Ever hear of, "gorp"?No
69. Ever take dance lessons?yup
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?what happened to my current one?????????
71. Can you curl your tongue?yes
72. Ever won a spelling bee?no (ROFL as if you had to ask)
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?yes
74. Own any record albums?Yes
75. Own a record player?Yes
76. Regularly burn incense?No
77. What is your favorite movie?Mcclintock with John wayne
78. Who would you like to see in concert? George strait
79. What was your last concert you saw?George strait
80. Hot tea or cold tea?cold
81.Tea or coffee?Either
82.Favorite kind of cookie?chocloate chip or sugar
83.Can you swim well?Yes
84. Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?yes
85. Are you patient?Sometimes
86. DJ or band, at a wedding?Neither, it was a piano player
87.Ever won a contest?Yes
88. Ever have plastic surgery?yes (went through a windshiled at 6 months old face first (yeah youw ould think i would look better than this after that many plastic surgerys)
89. Which are better black or green olives?depends on what it is on
90.Can you knit or crochet?nope
91. Best room for a fireplace?livin room
92. DO you want to get married?I already am
93. If married, how long have you been married?8 years
94. Who was your HS crush? Johnny Harrell (I look back now and go ewwww)
95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?No but I would like too
96. Do you have kids?Yes
97. Do you want kids?No cant have any more
98. Whats your favorite color?Green right now
99. Do you miss anyone right now?Yes my friends my mama and my brother
100. Who do you wanna see right now?Nobody Im in my nightgown with no make up..

and I still say there are only 99 questions lol
That was fun. NOW yall do it!!

When in doubt... wear a life perserver

Have you ever seen that cartoon Garfield and friends. There is a duck on there that always runs around with an intertube on screaming that the sky is falling. Well this was bella today... Minus the sky falling part. Daddy told her she could go swimming IF she would take her nap... she never took her nap. THe picture of her looking out the window was like 8 pm tonight she still had hopes of swimming. NOT! Besides the fact her pool is less than 2 foot deep but she needed the zoe swim float regardless. I had to take these pictures they so reminded me of that character (I cannot remember his name to save me right now) on Garfield. This so cracked me up with the tinkerbell costume. then the NRA t shirt WHICH is her favorite (good lord) by the way that her papa D got her BEFORE SHE WAS BORN mind you. Another day of fun summer time gone.

On another note: My mother has her eye surgery Tuesday so please remember her in your prayers. Also remember Mrs. Moore with her cancer she is still having problems. I also am having lots of female problems (can hardly wear shorts or anything around my waist it hurts... sorry to complain but, Got a call in to dr office they said it was the tumor not alot we can do until we have the surgery... so anyway I hope tomorrow is pain free for everyone.

Ps: Was the ducks name Roy?

fun fun fun

TOday is our Christmas in July Crop at WWW.THEUNTAMEDSCRAPPER.COM We are having a blast. I have been in and out having some small issues with female problems. So far I have gotten one page made. This is one of my favorite photos of Bella. Not a great picture I know but the bling I added to the 3 and the flowers needs to dry so I can scan it so I just took a quick photo. I will update you with a better scan of it later. Just a simple fun page to get my mo jo flowing. Bella has her best friend "eeya cawowine" (Eva caroli'ne) over today playing. ALl I hear is them up and downt he hallways giggling. It is the best sound. Ok back to scrapping. we have lots of prizes to give away so you ought to stop by.

ONLINE CROP!

TOMORROW (saturday) we are having an online crop for "Christmas in July" come by www.theuntamedscrapper.com tomorrow 8 am central standard time. There will be fun, croppin and prizes. SO come by and have fun with all us DIVA girls :) I hope to see you there :)

Play area or No play area that is the question

AHHHHHHHH IM CLEANING MY SCRAPROOOM!
I think I could plant a garden with the stuff that came out of the carpet. IM SICK OF all the mess in here and IM PURGING and cleaning. I have to get this done before the surgery. I was going to make Bella a play area in here but ya know.. Im wondering if that is such a good idea. SHe keeps getting into EVERYTHING and strows more stuff for me to clean up. I found so many glitter packs and glue and stuff I know she is 3 she has to learn but I cant get projects done when she is plundering. SO what do you do to keep the kiddos occupied so you can get your scheduled projects finished?

"insert picture of person pulling hair out here~~~>"

SO thought today was gonna be a great day ... IT was a good day. BUT I had to go grocery shopping. IT was great to get out of this dadgum house but OMGawesh wore me slam out and I have Bella bug with me..... she dumped well not dumped but Ok

Her version: "Mommayeeeeee!!!!!, miltfate jump to all oberBelda!" translation: Mommy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! milkshake jumped all over Bella"

My Version: She squeezed her milkshake cup and it exploded No other word to explain it.

It was chocolate. This lady looked at me like I squished it out of her! she was like OH MY GOSH and took off the other way. I wanted to say " WHAT you havent seen a kid explode before? " So needless to say.. I had brought extra big girl panties just in case and a pair of shorts but not a shirt and socks and shoes.... so i had to buy her another shirt (she is so smart I wanna try this to get new clothes... wouldnt work John would make me wear them) and socks... I wiped off the shoes NICE TRY BELLA. WE all know your a shoe hog honey!

So we get out of Wal mart. Get to target... Yeah we have gift cards again.. Its confusing I know but John gets gift cards instead of bonus checks It is good SOMETIMES but we dont get gift cards to but certain places and wal mart ISNT on the list grrrr and some things Oh and I was gonna run by the lss cuz I have a ton of stuff to drop off but It was raining like crazy. Bella was SCREAMING cuz it was raining. I thought to myself YA KNOW if I had ANY food at my house I would just go home. BUT no... WE continue on our journey the great hunt for food. Get in target. What does she do.... DUMPS an entire display of deoderant stuff like female deoderant spray. I was like GREAT thanks. She said "Bella WAS JUST FIXING IT MOMMY" I thought Yeahhhh you fixed it alright. The lady just smiled at me KNOWING she wanted to hurl something at us. BUT I MADE Bella help her pick it up. I think that annoyed the lady but I wanted this to be a learning experience. Yes MEAN mommy for making her pick it up. BUT IM so tired of her doing this. We get our groceries I look Bella has an OPENED capri sun lemonade in her hand sipping away. Im thinking... Ok I know Im tired but did I give her that. I look in the buggy and there is a box of them... opened. WHILE I was on my hands and knees trying to get the LAST jug of white cranberry/apple juice off the bottom shelf in the VERY VERY VERY back. I had pushed the buggy all the way on the isle over so this dude could get by. I guess she proceeded to partake at that point... HOW I Missed the opened box though i was like OK I guess we are getting that. I WAS ACTUALLY thanking GOD that it was a new one and she hadnt stolen it from some kid or taken if God forbid Out of the garbage you know how people just set stuff down. UGHHh the horror. SO we talked about how that was a bad thing and not to do that blah blah blah.... Well she had a perfect potty day for a few days straight so I promised her we would get her some special paint. (color wonder the kind that doesnt mess up everything on earth when she uses it) and she remembers this of course. I JUST KNEW she would throw a fit for the cinderella one but I told her ONLY ONE you can choose ONE. She picked the most sensible set. The one that had the markers the paints and three books in it. I was like ROCKIN! There is a brain in there. I asked her why she chose this one she said" well mommmy bella see tindewelda on dat one but no cudors and dis one wight heyah has cudors in it" I was like oh ok. seems logical enough to me. WE GET HOME. Johns had gotten a grill for fathers day from his parents and he picked it up today and was putting it together. (layout to come on that) the thing said ASSEMBLY TIME 15 MINUTES..... 3 hours later I asked him HOWZ THIS WORKIN FOR YOU..has it been 15 minutes yet ? he growled at me. I guess he didnt see the humor in it. SO I took Bella back inside (to save her life) Bella said mommy? Daddy not in a dood MOOD is he? I said No baby daddy is trying to put things together we never talk to daddy when he is doing that. SHe said just like she knew what I was meaning "OH!" like HOW could I forget that! They called from the dr office to set up my surgery seems that the insurance company doesn't want it to be at one hospital so they may ahve to do it at another? (that so makes NO sense to me) anyway the chic was pretty ticked and was trying to get some number off my card so she could fight with em so I was like "givem hell sista" and hung up. glad it was her not me.
SO that was our eventfull day.... Gonna go finish this project for scrappychic mag. and go lay my tired butt down! and whehwhew tomorrow is Friday!!

TAGGGGGGG

I got tagged here we go

7 People I admire

1. My mom 2. My brother 3. My husband 4. my mother in law 5. Deanna kroll 6. Jeanne (look at my blog man!) 7. oh last one... my neighbor Diane Carter I could keep going and going on this question!

7 things I say often:

1. Do you need to potty? 2. Did you wash your hands and flush? 3. I love you. 4. STOP PLEASE! 5. OH my GOodnes 6. That is so stinkin'.... (fill in blank with cute, cool, precious, etc) 7. BELLA COME HERE!!!!!NOW!!! HERE! NOWWWW! DONT MAKE ME GET UP!!!

7 things I cannot do:

1. go like I want to shopping and traveling and etc 2. Write pretty 3. See my feet (prednisone need I say more) 4. keep up with my kid from dawn till dark (wears me slam out) 5. eat shellfish Im allergic 6. paint like my mother 7. add or do any kind of math to save my life (checkboook is out for me )

7 things you might not know about me

1. I eat black eyed peas with my spaghetti 2. I used to be a cheerleader and did tumbling could jump straight up in the air and touch my toes ROFL not anymore the thought makes me cringe 3. I won beauty in my highschool 10th grade homecoming pagent. 4. I know the entire alphabet in sign language 5. I used to be able to get in the sun and had a nice tan. 6. I used to barrell race horses and rodeo. 7. I lived in the same town most of my entire life until I moved to Alabama at 34.

7 Movies I enjoy

McClintock (john wayne) 2. Demolition man 3. Independence day 4. The Thomas Crowne affair 5.After the sunset 6. SOmething to talk about 7. My best friends wedding

7 things I wish I could change in my life

1. The last 6 months ughhh! 2. My health 3. I want to work full time like a normal person without getting sick all the time. 4. august 28th, 2005 12 :18 pm the moment my daddy was killed. 5. I would have prayed for God to open my eyes sooner. 6. I would have taken better care of my body when I was younger 7. I would be more involved in church.

7 books I have read and would read again

I dont read THAT many books anymore... but :

1. Purpose driven life. 2. Beth moore power of the praying wife 3. THe price of privelge (highly recomend this!) 4.myths lies and downright stupidity 5. what your dr's dont want you to know 6. anything erma bombeck 7. the lupus handbook

7 people who should do seven : (doesnt have to be the same 7) hahaha this is where i get yall

Kim (scraptomylu) 2. Teri-lynn (is gonna kill me) 3. Jeanne (how could I forget you dear. 4. Motobarbie youll do it wont you? 5. jaci (i think you already did) 6. Momto3boys ~ lissa :) 7. If your reading this and have a blog THEN TAG YOUR IT!

hmmmm gotta get used to it

Get used to seeing this! YEEEHAWWWW can't say what or where yet,but I will just say. ITS A BIG SURPRISE Im so excited! Im about to BURST WIDE OPEN. But that is all I can say for now sooooo keep your eyes peeled QQ.

I just gotta say

HOW MUCH my friend Jeanne ROCKS! Look at my site LOOK LQQQQQK at it!!!!!!! are ya lookin? She did such an amazing job. See mini me.. lil bit.. bug... fart blossom ok also known as BELLA, FIXED It for me in the first place. I had to run out of the room for something I cannot remember what now probly the phone and I come back... there are screens up on my computer I have never in my entire life seen before. WEll she deleted most of my blog and added stuff that I have no clue how it got there my type was reversed (how in the world she did that I wish I knew cuz well it was kinda cool but anyway)I worked for like 18 hours I mean I DIDNT sleep to get my blog back to well...how it was yesterday. My friend Jeanne who has been really sick mind you cuz she fell on her dog and busted her FACE.. yeah long story but you can look at my links and see CROSSROADS and click there read all 'bout it. ANYWAY... SHE TOTALLY fixed my blog CONCUSSION AND ALL. NOW that is a true friend. SHE IS THE BOM DIG ITY! Lovin Jeanne! SO yall all go BOMBARD her blog and tell her sweet stuff cuz she has been feelin crappy but still helped out a friend in need. HOW Much does that rock! I will put a picture up later my camera battery is sooooo dead been doing a photo shoot for the trey I made. You can see it later. Maybe.. if your good hehehehe (keep fingers crossed lynette likes it) please GOD OH pleaSE!

fun fun fun

This is how we spent our day today. Dancing singing and chilling. OK well that is what Bella did. I cleaned, vaccumed, scrubbed and washed clothes. At least one of us had fun hahaha I have to say she was pretty cute in her "tindawelda" dwess and her "sweepin booty" dwess too.

My froggy

To have that much energy again AHHHHH the froggy hop. IN HEELS none the less. A true girly girl in her element froggy hop and all. I thought this would complement my friend Kim's blog she has a picture of her sons pet frog on there so I thought I would share the only frog that I want in my house hahaha!http://scrap-to-my-lu.blogspot.com/ <~~~ there you can see her blog. Give her a shout out for me. Tell her Miss Bella bug Sent ya or shall I say bella froggy sent ya.

lovely day

THE mini monster has no school today she is home with mommy. WE have revolted to being a baby today. We are not 3 we are teeny tiny baby. (and she is getting into anything cuz Im posting on my blog grrrr) She refuses to go potty (not sure what that is about) can tell it will be ONE OF THOSE DAYS!!! Pray she and I both have hair at the end of this day lol

WHEWWW that was close!

OK so I go to the dr they put me in the same room that I was well to say the least violated in.... Read a previous post and you'll catch up if you are clueless right now. Anyway Im like oh no this aint good. BUT actually... it wasnt bad. I had to p in a cup they said you passed a kidney stone we caught it in the cup the other day it is a calcium oxide stone (he gave me a brief lecture on how they are formed) it seems MY FAVORITE BEVERAGE OF CHOICE Sweet tea is the culprit. nooooooo why why why calcium THERE is no calcium in sweet tea calcium is in cereal and ice cream and stuff but sweet tea NOOoooooo. SO anway chcik didnt come at me with the pick so I figured it was a good day! just cant drink much sweet tea no more that is ok I have lived the last couple weeks without it I will just have to learn to drink water and I guess because it is tap water the chlorine and chemicals in it will cause some kind of cancer and I will die anyway but at least maybe it wont be from a kidney stone. I have an altered project of decopauge due the end of the month maybe I could do some rocks and call it my "rock group" get it?? nah wasnt that funny demrol made things much funnier I am finding. That is ok IM SO HAPPY to report I dont need it today! NOW I think I will lay down and rest and finish eating MY healthy grilled chicken salad (cuz my butt is getting way toooooo fat on pred and laying around all the time) and exercise my right to change channels on the tv. MUUUAAAHH!

MOnday..... AHHHHHHHH

Well It is Monday..... I go back to the dr day. If yall see me on Cnn for left hookin' a nurse yall will know she came at me again with that metal hook... Lets pray for her sake and MINE not. I feel SOOOOOOO much better but just the thought of that would make someone come out of a coma of 30 years. SO keep good thoughts and all and I will give yall a hopefully GREAT report and no left hooks or metal hooks when I get home. AND IF IM A GOOD GIRL I may just get to stop by the store and get milk and toilet paper (grrrr I hate grocery shopping)

aaahh Sunday!

WOW the birds are chirping the sun is shining.. wait a minute the sun isnt shining IT IS RAINING! WHEWHWHEHWHEWW it is raining YES! WE need rain so bad here it is not even funny. So hurray for rain! On another note... I feel better. I can feel my legs without screaming. I can sit up straight without screaming. DO YOU SEE A PATTERN??! I have another dr appt in the morning so hopefully we can get to the bottom of this haha get it BOTTOM of it. They just better not come at me with that pic ax thing again. Yall will be getting me out of jail! SO anyway I had my first designers meeting with the site Im gonna work with YIPPEE IM so excited! I have some things to work on this week! I can already smell the modge podge! (that is a good thing I hope) I am really excited about it and pray I do it justice. As you can see I have a new look here. WAS SO NOT INTENTIONAL! Bella the dear sweetheart (I keep saying that in hopes I will believe that) deleted over half my blog today while "playing" on my computer. I wanted to cry. so Im trying to recover it and jeanne if your reading this HELP!!! yeah I KNOW you will be hiding now hahahaaha hey I did recover my profile and my posts and photos they are just in a whacked out order so if anyone knows how to fix that HEY Id appreciate it!

Your gonna put that WHERE???!!!!???

Ok so I go to the dr. Im in IMMENCE pain. Blood pressure 124 over 99 pain the kind of pain that you experience with say CHILDBIRTH. I cant even sit on my rear cuz everything else downt here hurts too bad. THey call me back and they give me this WONDERFUL shot called nubane. and after that IM like COOOl we can go home I feel so much better IM FINE. they are like ughmm NO we have to do ct scan and some other thing whihc is fancy name for an x ray. SO we go do that I feel fine no worries. I get back the dr is shaking his head.. We cant find any stones. There is no stones in there and your urine really doesnt look that bad yeah it has some blood in it but not what we woudl expect so Im liek OK so what the he** is making me hurt so *&Y^#@ bad! mind you it has been like 4 hours and the WONDERFUL shot they gave me is wearing off again. HE said I dunno we wont blame it on kidneys so I said OK how do you explain the THE AUTOMOBILE THAT IS COMING OUT OF MY PRIVATE PARTS? he just kinda laughs (dont you love it when they do that) so he says we will do a sterile urine sample. Im thinking OK what you gonna do BOIL ME FIRST? OH lord I had no idea. she comes in here with this metal pic Im notkidding you it looks liek that thing you scrape the inside of nuts (no pun guys) pecans and walnuts out when you shell them. SO im like hmm that is interesting and she has a cup. IM like Ok. SO she says lean back and put yoru feet in the stirrups IM like what stiruups why do I need stirrups. ans she grabs the pick IM like UGHMM Nononono wait aminute YOUR GONNA DO WHAT? you are putting that WHERE? she says this may hurt a little but im gonna put some lidocaine on it first IM like "WHAT THE *&^%$ you better put ALOT of lidocaine on it and lets just talk about this a second lady you are telling me you are gonna do "WHOOOAAAH OWWW HEY HEY HEY now wait a minute HEY that oh man nononono that is SOOO jsut.... wrong!" and then she is like whistling .. I gues s that is what you do when YOU ARE KILLING SOMEONE you whistle! she is like Oh Ill drain your bladder while im in there IM thinking OH SURE just for kicks go ahead... why not, so after she is done and im trying to unpucker my butt and uncurl my toes. she says well you know I think that stone could have been so low it didnt pick it up and you do have a really bad infection your so red. Im thinking RED??? RED?? YEAH ITS CALLED BLOOOD YOU JUST shoved a PIC AX somewhere that it dont go lady. SO anyway I felt alot better (once the drugs once again took effect) and not reasured cuz the dr was like well we will try to grow this in the lab and see what kind of infection it is and well, come back on Monday... OK YEAH RIGHT. That is what I wanna do. HOLY CRAPPOLA. they did give me more pain med.. which Im like I wont need this if youKNOW what is wrong and fix it! so anyway it dont hurt as bad when I p but good lord. I DONT want to hear the word urolgist again THAT IS THE EVIL dr. They could get secrets out of ALqueda with that torture device I assure you! Im off to go write 50 times I WILL NOT EVER DRINK COKE AS LONG AS I LIVE... and cry

well DUH

I couldnt figure out WHY the photo of my box didnt show up.... and then I realised (Ok be easy on my IM SICK REMEMBER and on medication) I didnt upload it. SO I will put it here and then go crawl my dyin butt back to bed. I also realised I left out the LINKS to my recommended sites. GOSH Im batting the full inning here huh!

The links of the sites are (in no order still ok!) www.scrapthatmoment.com , www.theuntamedscrapper.com, www.scrappychick.com, www.scrappersbliss.com, www.scrapstreet.com, and www.thememorysafe.com These are the sites I frequent most. So stop by and say hello LOTS Of amazing talent! Tell me your favorite sites YOU KNOW I am always looking at different places online. OK crawling off to bed. hope your having a great day today!

an AH HAA ROCKIN' moment!

OK I have to get on my box for a moment so everyone step back. I got an invite from scrap that moment/scrappy chicks to do some freelance work for their magazine. I was like OMG OK yeah sure! I am SOOOOO excited about this and floored and shocked (they want me?! gulp!) Anyway I was like sure thing lets see how fast I can fly over and look at that site! OH MY GOSH yall IM so im pressed! that site IS SOOOOO ROCKIN! Their members and staff all have posts IN THE THOUSANDS. Now that tells me something ... THey have a very active community. Ok so I am intimidated a little when I look at the site IT IS SO polished and sooo eye pleasing and just flat out gorgeous. I mean look at some of the sites that are out there people and you will understand IM JUST mouth hanging open at how this place is set up. The graphics are amazing! The people are just so friendly and in one day I had like no less than 8 comments on some of my gallery submissions. SO I was like Oh ok they just want to impress me. SO I go look around and like EVERYONE has tons of comments. I was like well heck yeah. THey have some amazing talent over there I am just browsing and am getting ideas and wanna go scrap (dang kidney stones wont let me do much today SO anyway I highly recommend this site! Yall all know I have my favorites scrappersbliss, The Untamed Scrapper and The memory safe. IN NO specific ORder (I dont want ugly feed back now y a hear) SO TELL ME. What are your favorite sites? WHere do you post your work and why? What impresses you most when you go on a site and what really turns you off to it? I wanna hear from YOU! OH and here is a card box I made yesterday. A good friend of mine's mom was dx with colon cancer and lymphnode cancer. I thought this would be a little cheer me up for her and I am going to make some thank you cards and she can keep the cards she gets in it as well. SHe goes to our church her husband is our Sunday school teacher and I just love them to pieces SO PLEASE keep Mrs. Vicky in your prayers SHe has a great recovery prognosis and is doing real well but is feeling bad and sad and all so just pray for her THANKS YALL ROCK!

The shirt says it all

The shirt says it all. I got this at Great American Scrapbook Convention. I LOVE this shirt and BELLA loves to wear her "crappin turt" she is such a ham. SHe had to strike a pose to show off her scrapbook modeling skills.. NO we havn't created a monster hahahaaha

WHOOPS I did a boo boo. I was wrong about the Hobby Lobby magazine. IT WILL BE IN OCTOBER that it will come out with Bellas sweet face in it. AND at your request since alot of you don't get that magazine here is a VERY ROUGH copy of the page it looks better in person. This is a last years page and has a VERY FUNNY photo that I didnt include on the layout. I had a few tell me to send it in to jay leno for the funny pictures but I DIDNT want to embarass the poor lady so bad but here is the photo YOU HAVE TO LOOK IN THE BACK GROUND I felt so sorry for her but dadgum we have laughed our tails off at that poor woman. That is so my luck ya know but ussually IM the one IN the picture not taking it. WE had no idea this was on the photo till we got the photos developed. Im standing in wal-mart and the photos are on the screen and Im about to wet my pants Im laughing so hard at it and finally the little dude behind the counter comes around and is like OK WHAT is so funny and I showed him. WEll then he calls over his buddies they call over theres by the time it got around we had like 30 people staring at the kodak machine in tears cuz the poor ladies face just says it all. IF YOu know this lady tell her THANKS FOR letting us laugh at her and IM SO SORRY I didnt purposfully take this picture but man we appreciate it!

good news/bad news

what do you want first? good news? bad news? Ok good news? ok. WELL good news I have 3 pubs in the last few days. I got freelance designer for scrappychic, I got a magazine pub for scrapstreet magazine and I was notified today I will be in september's hobby lobby magazine. I have to mail the layout in because it has shadows on it when I scan it sooo hubby will do that tomorrow for me. I applied for an amazing design team, scrapper's bliss where I met my friend Jeanne. We both are up for it and I pray at least one of us gets it IT WOULD SO ROCK if both of us got it. I just am not sure if I will cuz there are SOME AMAZING scrappers that are up for it and after looking at the ones that submitted well, Im not gonna hold my breath BUT I SOOOOOO WANT THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING I LOVE that site and MAN ITS ROCKIN! SO I got all my fingers toes and anything else I can cross CROSSED. NOW.... the bad news... DR appt. the suckola part of my day today. I have endometriosis... again well it never goes away it gets better and worse. well He said IT doesnt get much worse than this that the only things I could do was either TRY MY DANGDEST to get pregnant and then have a hysterectomy or to go on and have a hysterectomy and since I had so much trouble with Bella having and carrying her whatever guess what my option is.... which is not all bad news I would be feeling ALOT BETTER and not have all these problems anymore. BUT the down side... you knew it was coming. I have to wait till I pass all these kidney stones before we can do the surgery sooo we are looking to August. NOT FUN so another month of suffering before I can do this. yehaw fun. I have mixed emotions I mean.. this makes it FINAL NO more babies. whatsoever it is permanent I mean once they take it out there aint no puttin it back ya know... that is the part I dont like but I KNOW I KNOW it is for the best. I just hate the finality. I always wanted lots of kids. this just settles it and I know we prayed for one healthy baby and I should not be greedy and ask for another and ANY other child we had would probably have a major complex cuz I woudl have to figure a way to scrapbook their life like I do bellas and MAN that would be a job lolol well I know this is for the best I just have to mourn my female organs for a few minutes and Ill be fine. THE GOOD PART. NO MORE MONTHLY MONSTER yipeee!

Toot toot tootin

OK so I GUESS the "wocks" in my tummys as my DD Bella says Just may be my good luck Wocks I mean rocks. I GOT ANOTHER TOOT! Hobby lobby just sent me an email to publish Bellas Pumpkin Patch page. MAN this has been an exciting last few days .... Kidney stones... publish.. kdiney stones... publish... IF they didnt hurt so bad I might just keep em around a few more days to see if some payin gigs come through AHH Oh well Ill just have to pray harder. SOOOOO If You have a hobby lobby near you. Bellas sweet face will be in the September edition it is called at THE PUMPKIN PATCH.

fourth july layouts

WELL here is the layout from fouth of July. Our across the street neighbors have a little girl Eva Caroline that is 5 months older than Bella and they are the best of friends. Every day Bella crys and crys wanting to go play with Eva. SO they met in the front yard daddy's in tow and shot fireworks. well the stomped on snaps. They weren't quite strong enough to make them pop just throwing them. SO they stomped them which they thought was GREAT fun! Bella didnt care for the sparklers and every time they lit something she covered her ears cuz she thought it would be loud. It was really cute but I felt so sad for her because I know it scared her. THEY LOVED for Bradlee (my nephew) to pull them in the wagon he made it OH SO FUN. They ate watermelon and played babies and princesses the rest of the evening. Im so glad she has such a sweet little girl across the street to play with.

MORE GOOD NEWS

I just got an email from scrappy Chic magazine to be a freelance artist for their site. They will let me know when they need projects or "fill ins" and Ill do pages to go intheir magazine for product HOW MUCH DOES THAT ROCK!!! whehwhew THat will make the kidney stones feel better

IM PUB'D!

WELL come AUGUST it will be official. YOu will see Bella's stinkin cute face in Scrapstreets magazine! YEAHHH!!! My splish splash layout is officially published. IM in the run off for the cover SO keep your fingers crossed. I won't know who got it till later on in the month but IM so excited! YIpeee!! She said I could keep the page on my blog so I didn't delete it. It is further down my blog though.

They shall be called payne agony and ouch!

Well so far so good. I have passed 3 kidney stones. I thought I was done at 2 but no no no had to pass one more just for good measure. Carol Burnett once described childbirth pain as to take your bottom lip and pull it over your head. Im not sure that is how Id describe it but lets just say Im still walking funny. I PRAY that is it, being I took the last of the medication they gave me. I have a gyno appt tomorrow at 2 45 to see about the cyst I pray it is something that is easily fixed and We dont have to go through a HUGE drawn out process. I REALLY DO NOT have time for this! Then THURSDAY I have a urologist appt. I guess it would be just silly to have the appt WHEN IM ACTUALLY IN PAIN! whatever... I just hope it goes away and stays.

Happy 4th of July everyone

Hope you are having Lots of fun today on this 4th of July. I hope you get to see LOTS of beautiful fireworks, Eat way too much bar be que and watermelon and ice cream etc and Thank God for our country and our independence today.

PHOTOS FINALLY of the New edition to the family

WELL here she is... FINALLY I have photos of the new ride.. Happy now? ROFL

I wasnt INTENDING on getting a new car NOR did I want a new car... But isnt it pretty. Rides good too. 2007 Toyota Camry still has the new car smell. Bella says Its her car. That is ok with me. I really wanted the Highlander till I saw consumer reports and saw the gas mileage it got so Im the happy owner of a new car. I guess it is time to grow up and be a car driver now. I miss my truck but... we really did need a car with Bella.

Even wumms

A conversation I had with my Dear 3 year old Bella today went like this: BElla: Mommy! Jesus loves everyone ya know. Mommy: Yes Bella Jesus loves everybody. Bella: Even wummms! Mommy: Yep Even wums. Bella: Jesus loves this wumm and Bedda cubber hims up wiff dut... cuz he deayahed. Mommy: Ok... WEll are we having a funeral for him... Bella: HUH? why Bedda have fubertawel? Mommy: No a funeral. Its when something dies and you bury it and say good things about it. Bella: sigh.. NO Bedda just cuvbered hims up wiff durt cuz bedda wike it. Mommy: OK. a few minutes pass... Bella: Mommy EYe a wittle bowey today. Mommy: A little boy? I thought you were mommys beautiful princess. Bella::: TOTALLY ANNOYED:: BEDDA NOT A BOOTIFUWL CINCESS TODAY MOMMY BEDDA BOOTIFUL CINCESS TOMOWOWW!!! SO this is what we did today on a cloudy Sunday afternoon.

True love

Here isa sneak peak of a layout i did that will be featured in this months VIEW at www.theuntamedscrapper.com We had some photo and paper challenges. This is just one of them. You should check out the site we have some great talent there.

Why is it that the ones you trust the most hurt you the most. It never fails.... every day I find something else out about this friend or shall I say who I THOUGHT was my friend. I continue to pray for her. She is in a bad way right now. BUT I am learning My husband is the best friend I will ever have. I am so thankful to him. HE is pretty mad that I helped the friend out and got suckered into the situation and it has put us in a bad way financially for a small while but I have learned a HUGE lesson and IT WILL NEVER happen again.... the fact he has forbid it also helps lol. I guess I should listen to him more. It seems though that when something happens like this it makes us stronger. I dont know if it is because we have to work together to get through it or what, but it shows he is every bit the man I have always thought he was and will be. I thank GOd for him.

agony despair and no good news

WELL.. ONE of these days there will be good news to share... NOT TODAY. well a little today but to start it off. Hubby has a swollen eye so he had to go to optomotrist first thing this morning. seems he got something foreign in it and it got infected... so he is home today. Im having female problems from that blame cyst on my ovary and after having kidney stones earlier (why do they follow each other each time) Im ready to scream im so sore. Called the nurse she said if it gets worse to go in for a ct that it sounds like it could have ruptured. and that I sound like I am getting anemic (ya think? there is gonna be nothing left in me before long!) She told me to drink a large glass of OJ and take a strong multi vitamim ????? Ok did that. and then I ate a good dinner. and believe it or not I FEEL MUCH BETTER. It has slacked off some now and I can sit at the computer. IM so tired of feeling crappy. They already had told me to come in and they were gonna look at taking the cyst cuz I keep having so much trouble.. maybe it will be gone but please let there be no other trouble from it. Im ready to just say TAKE IT ALL OUT and be done with it. They said I shouldnt have any more kids anyway... well I was told not to have Bella either and well That turned out ok but I wont be selfish I got one healthy kid why chance it and do that again.

Nuttin much happnin just scrappin

WHEWHEW stones gone! Feeling almost human! I think I am gonna take Bella to the library tomorrow. We have to return some of her books and maybe get lunch or something. It's just so hot or we would go to the zoo or something outside she loves to be outside. I love to be able to spend so much time with her now. She is turning into quite the little scrapbooker For 3 years old. Here are some pictures I took tonight. SHe was determined to use some of my punches even though they are hard to punch. Other than that....It is kinda quiet tonight Got alot of email to catch up on and I did make that second page of the swim layout. It didnt come out real well in the photo. BUT, the pictures are so cute. I need to get this scanner hooked up John's sister gave me. I dont know where the disc is but I guess I can d/l the drivers off the internet LOVE xp!