We were supposed to Journal about what we feel holds us back from being a better person in life. use a black and white photo Use a dominant bright color with a splash of blue.
I have been working on this since The debut of the blog. Has taken me this long to get it all down. I keep walkin' by this page and changin something or moving it around. I know Im horrible that way.
This page has a lot of symbolism on it I guess because it represents so much about me. A lot about what our family has gone through in the last several years.
The cardboard represents the Myelin shaft which in (ms patients) is deteriorated.
I used Tattered ANGELS spray which I COVERED the entire layout with Like My friends and family COVER ME and MY FAMILY with prayer.
I have THE BEE on here because BEE venom was used for long time in MS THERAPY.
I have FAITH The lord is gonna watch
over me He wouldn't have given me Bella without letting me stay to raise this child. My journaling is withered and worn kinda like me and my spine (the cardboard) Every day I struggle to stay out of that chair so I put that at the top of the picture. The reality is my legs feel like pins and bees are stinging them and I have to take those shots so I put the pins through the flowers and used the reality on top of the flower 3 flowers 3 buttons 3 a lot because of the holy trinity.
3 meaning me john and bella will get through this. orange is my power color and blue is calming.
Pink makes me feel pretty and Im just not pretty anymore. an arrow pointing to I do not look the same.
The bottle cap of the Last Smirnoff I got to drink. Orange cap.
SO LOTS OF SENTIMENT on this page. EVERYTHING MEANSSS SOMETHING
The Journaling reads:
I cover up a lot of the pain with a joke,
to make others more comfortable. I make
fun of my self more than anyone. I know
because of this disease I have lost a lot
of opportunity along the Way. A lot of it
long before I even knew the name of what
was causing my problems. My Dr says that a
lesion doesn’t become that size on your brain
stem over night. I have been mis diagnosed
for a long time. I get really angry because
now the medications I have to take are a lot
stronger and they make me very sick but they have
saved my life and have kept me here.
It is a love hate drug. The shingles and staph
come with it sometimes are worse.
I Do not look the same.
I don’t recognize me anymore. My brain sometimes
won’t function. Hey, we have to play charades (first
Word, sounds like… to make a sentence.)
A lot of the
dreams that I worked for, pretty much went away.
So heck yes I get angry. I get angry at myself and at this
disease! A LOT! BUT I TRY to NOT LET it hold me back.
I try to KICK ITS BUTT. I Channel my anger other ways.
Some days if it were not for my computer, or scrap booking I wouldn’t have an outlet or connection with the outside world for any of my energy. Yes there are times when I am doing better and can leave this chair behind. But on days like these I remember why I want my memories down, those little “instructions” in life one never knows what tomorrow brings.
I am blessed with an amazing loving hunk husband a gorgeous and smart funny daughter and if you try to argue I will run you down with my wheel chair so don't even try.
Today I fight to stay out of this chair. Why?
I have a lot to fight for. I see it with these two here in front of me every single day.
~~~~~~
This photo was taken this past year at the fall festival. I have come along way since then. Still got a longggg way to go. Thank goodness for Garrrrry my physical therapist (that I cursed so bad for the longest) and my friends that helped me through the hard times. Also my sweet loving husband that has been here through it all. That I love dearly. He never signed on for all this. The look of disbelief when they said this is what I had was on both of our faces. We had no clue what we were in store for. Thank you all for your continued prayers. Yall know me. This is nothin I can't handle smiling :) COULD ALWAYSSS BE WORSE!!!
