Friday, January 03, 2020

Happy NEW YEAR!!

Happy New Year everybody! I hope you had a great time New Years Eve counting down to 2020!
Me? Oh John and I stayed in and I scrapbooked a little, then watched Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve. I actually knew a few of the singers on there. Then at midnight BAM! I turned the big 50!
My tummy felt a little off New years eve morning but I didn't think anything of it. Probably the coffee. New Years Day it was evident something was wrong. I was convinced it was the new coffee. 
We had big plans for that night with our Small Group from church. I really didn't, I w want stomach issues to mess up our plans. SO, I watched the Rose parade, watched the AUBURN game ( they didnt win for my birthday but only lost by one touchdown) I wasnt real upset. 
oh back up! that morning John told me to stay in the back of the house. He would let me know when I could come to the kitchen. well that lasted a little while then I got he hurried haha.
He got me 
Beautiful flowers and a sweet sweet card and a birthday cake to take to the dinner party tonight!

He did good! started my morning off great. until I drank coffee and ate cinnamon rolls and got an upset tummy, I thought for sure it was the new coffee.. nope!

Well time came for dinner and I was feeling OK, not great but not really bad but I had not eaten anything since the coffee,cinnamon roll incedent.
We had the dinner at San Miguels mexican restaurant.It was so good.

We had 15 friends there in all. We had a great time.

We were sitting there and out came the staff with this huge hat and they stuck it on my head and a spoon full of whip cream they stuck on my nose and sang Happy Birthday to me in spanish.
Ill post those pictures later my battery is going dead.
I ate and had fun and then we cut the cake. I had about 3 bites of cake and started feeling nauseated.
I told John we need to get to the house.
so we gathered up everything (I got some nice gifts Thank you again!)
and what was left of the cake, and made a quick exit (sorry yall)
I barely made it home before I got sick.
I spent the rest of  my Birthday eating saltines and sprite and laying in the recliner. The next day was more of the same.
Finally today I feel some better. I ate some campbells chicken noodle soup and it was so good.
I hope this isn't a sign how 2020 is going to be! I hope it is going to be much better than this.
HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and yours and I hope you have a great start off to 2020!

Monday, June 24, 2019

So, I'm starting my blog back up...

I know I know, blogs aren't popular any more, but I have my reasons. I want to keep up with my  Treatments that are new, the side effects and progression, victories and setbacks so I can see how far I have come and can show my dr.. I also want to share my scrapbook pages with my family and family pictures that I don't put on face book. (MY mom doesn't have Facebook) I also like uploading pictures Id like to print to scrapbook, I enjoy looking back on this blog at Bella's years of growing u p and I thought why did I stop!! Facebook.. I didn't stop scrapbooking. she has tons of albums. Her life is well documented. This will make you mad. IM current in my scrapbooking also. Like I'm scrapping the right now the things that are happening in her life within the past 6 months.. see I told you it would make you mad. BUT I HAVE 1 CHILD. most of you that scrap have several children you are scrapbooking for so give yourself a break.

IM going to start this first post out with my first half treatments of ocrevus and what side effects and things I noticed.. If you get bored I totally understand. But you may find some funny things in there. This is me we are talking about.

I was taking a drug called Tysabri. I really liked it except the screaming headache that NOTHING would get rid of for 2 days after my treatment. BUT, I figured, 2 days sacrificed for a month of feeling good was worth it. on the injections I felt horrible everyday like I had the flu and was tired and miserable, achey, depressed, muscle aches and stayed in bed all day because I didn't feel good.
They do a test on you every so often called the JCV test (stands for John Cunningham Virus) if you test positive and keep taking the treatment causing the positive JCV test long enough you can get PML (don't ask me to spell the name of that disease please!) It is a disease of the Brain that is 9 out of 10 times fatal and the 1% it isn't fatal you are just incapacitated. The normal test result that they take you off Tysabri for JCV is 0.4%. My test result was 3.8% Needless to say my dr was freaking out trying to get me on the phone. We canceled my next Tysabri appointment and I came into the office to discuss my "Options" which there really weren't any.. I could take Ocrevus.
Ocrevus Is a rather new drug but they have seen a lot of success putting MS sufferers into remission with it. That sounded good to me where do I sign up!
well we had to jump through the hoops and red tape and blah blah blah blah finance and insurance then grants because this treatment is .. You ready for this? 80 ish thousand dollars PER treatment. thats not per year thats each time I get a treatment. geesh!
so we went through alll the Grant funding and got approved THANK YOU JESUS!!

Finally its my first day I am getting 1/2 dose my first time. This is at the same infusion center, same nurses everything that I had with Tysabri Just different medication. 
My husband John can't stay with me he has to work so a dear friend Tara from our Wednesday night small group class at Church said she would come sit with me and keep me company (and make sure they are on top of things) besides I'm going to be there 5 hours. 

                                                                   My Friend Tara and Me. 
She gets there, we get settled, they get my iv in first try!! Everything is a go we are ready for this!
They give me a steroid shot in my iv line before the treatment to help with side effects as well as benadryl and some tylenol. I start to feel woozy but have a horrible taste in my mouth from the steroids and the saline.

                      I couldnt find my picture of the Ocrevus infusion so this is Tysabri. You get the Idea.

They hook me up to the Ocrevus everything is going smoothly till about halfway through. I start losing my voice and my eyes start swelling shut. my neck starts swelling. a second later it was obvious my throat was closing. The nurse had put me right by her desk (I always reacted in hives and itching to the Tysabri so she figured Id do the same to Ocrevus) she came running over there and salined me and hit me with another steroid shot, directly in my iv line then another saline. She said she was gonna "call the dr first but throat closing warrants immediate action he will understand." I started laughing, thinking yeah I hope so!!!
I could feel the swelling going down  and I was ok in a few minutes. she kept checking on me through out the rest of the treatment. I was still coughing and raspy and she didn't like it so she gave me another half of the steroids (she called the dr first) and a benadryl. Yes I was so out of it. Jittery but tired.  John made it up there to take me home and I slept the rest of the afternoon. That night after I woke up I had HORRIFIC Indigestion and stomach cramps. I called in and they said to take the maximum dosage of antacids  I was nauseas too so he said to take phenegren ( I had some still from before) and to lay on my left side. He said to try to drink some sprite or ginger ale as much as I can but a little at a time and some saltine crackers would help. I knew I wouldn't be able to eat those crackers so I drank the sprite took the meds and laid on my left side and went to sleep. 
I felt better the next day. I was really tired but that was all. I felt ok.

2 weeks later (this past Thursday) June 20 I had my 2nd half infusion. Everything went just like before. everything was going good Tara was there with me. John was working in Florida. I was sitting by the nurses desk, ONly todaywe were  the only ones in there!!! kinda creepy. It was so quiet. But Tara and I kept giggling and making racket. I did ok till half way through the treatment. Then my voice went raspy and my eyes swoll up and my throat tried to close. It wasn't as bad this time but it was the same way as the time before. The nurse was right there with a steroid shot and gave it to me in the iv line and just like before.  The swelling went down and I felt fine again. John didn't get there in time to take me home (he didn"t think he would) sooo Tara and I went to chicken salad Chick and we ATEEEEEEEE! all those steroids made me hungry! but by the time I was finished eating, I was exhausted and my head was hurting a little bit and I had no ibuprofen or tylenol on me. so she drove me home. I so appreciated that! It wasn't that long maybe 30 to 40 minutes John got home after that. I was snoozing in my recliner. (I got him chicken salad chick too so didn't have to cook supper Bella was gone on her missions trip to Atlanta) 

I didn't have the bad indigestion because I took the maximuim dose of the antacids before my treatment this time. I slept a lot. The next day my stomach hurt. John had gotten these antacids with cooling effect in them??? ughmm no. I took the last of my regular ones before my treatment, OMG those menthol cooling effects things made me throw up so bad. Then he made me eat tums and not the fruity flavors, the chalky white ones which I was gagging on that. I begged him to go to the store and get me some more plain antacids. He finally did today after I threw them up again and I was in tears my stomach hurt so bad. so now I know when I first get up take the antacids and when I go to bed at night Take the antacids so I wont hurt. and drink drink drink lots of water with them. 

The only other unusual thing I have noticed is today at church we were in worship service we had sang 3 songs and it was time for the offertory prayer (we were still standing for the prayer) my knees got weak and buckled and I had to sit down. I had no choice I was falling so I went with it and sat down in the chair..john was holding my hand or I would have lost my balance.
I work the front desk in the lobby also and I wasn't able to stand up as much as I usually do. I had to sit down at the table there beside our desk. I was wobbly when I got up, BUT... It was hot in there. They open all the doors and there are doors on all sides and it gets hot when you get all the people in there and the doors open and its hot outside. so the heat was getting to me so that may have been the problem with the front desk part. I dunno about the worship service part it was cool in there, but I'm gonna make note of it and watch it. 
other than these awful stomach cramps and being tired I feel pretty good. NO horrible headache! and I don't have to do it again for 6 more MONTHS!!! WAHOOO!!!


Friday, March 15, 2013


Transitioning over to my new address located  Check it out.

Monday, January 14, 2013

so Do you have a happy place?

So most of you that know us, Know the situation we fight. MS. I am not going to harp on it dwell on it. There is not much to say that you all do not already know. We have good days, sometimes Great days. Good weeks those are amazing. We did good for a while through this winter. I deal with Shingles and NOT the kind on the roof. Sometimes I think those might be easier. Yes stress and infection bring them on. I have low immunity so we have to be careful. It is like a wolf in sheeps clothing. You think you are doing so well then BAM out of nowhere it will come up and tackle you and flatten you to the ground. That is kinda what we are dealing with right now. I am not saying that looking for pity or sympathy so nip that right now. This is NOT a bad case but It is leading to other things. The coughing and the excretion that keeps going down into my chest. YEs YES we are doing a million times 10 things for it. Staying in which I just was starting to get used to doing things. so Bummer. It is flu season so I should be used to this I suppose.

I sit and reflect through photos and just in my mind of the wonderful time we had at Disney. Bellas face seeing the Castle.Getting to meet Cinderella and her giving her the card she made for her. The genuine love from Cinderella given to her thanking her for making that card for her. ya I cried She had met cinderella the night before at cinderellas table. AND SHE REMEMBERED HER without us saying anything to remind her she had been there. (it was same one)

                                                           YES I cried my eyes out
Getting Bippity Boppity Boutiqued, OH that was amazing. she will have to do this again (but we will bring the outfit and all just get her hair nails and make up) yikes! $$$ BUT we had to do it just once ya know!

                                                      SNOWING ON MAIN STREET!!

ONE OF THOUSANDS of my VERY FAVORITE MEMORIES of her PLAYING in the SNOW falling on Main street. IT was so beautiful. I have some others that are just precious!!

                                                  In front of the water falls at Our Hotel

   Coming back to see what they did with her babies haha  Love goofy fawning over her American Girl doll.

I will never forget these AMAZING people that made some of our Magical Wishes come true! What awesome people they are at Disney. I will never forget them As long as I ever live. I know my family won't either and WE appreciate everything they did. How little do they know just WHAT they did for us.

We never imagined what was about to happen in our family and this just was the icing on our Disney Cake.
No words or action could Thank them enough. They were heaven sent to make this (along with Brittney) the most magical thing we have ever done. we had no idea just how important this was.

SHE LOVED the seas with Nemo. Wished we could have spent more time here. BUT we will be going back SOOOOn... patience dear. Got to pay for everything that has happened. Then we will be there I PROMISE. 1 more time. We will be there.

She was so sick. Strep throat (we had no idea) whiney but still got smiles from her most FAVORITE of all since she was a baby... PIGLET. AND OH did he ever shower her with affection as soon as he found out HE was her very favorite. LIKE THE FAIRY GOD MOTHER... He is so not given the attention he deserves NEITHER is Eeyore!! EVERYONE wants Pooh and Tigger. Bella loves them too BUT PIGLET ... HE IS THE PIGGY FOR HER!
Eeyore... was NANA's Most favorire I cry looking at this photo.

She told him over and over how much he was her absolute favorite and how much she loved him. HE kissed her you could hear him and she just smiled and smiled. SHE GIGGLED like a little girl. SHe was soooo happy this day. I think she had more fun at this breakfast and at Cinderellas castle than at most anything we did. She lit up like a star. I just love these photos.

There are so many things that I loved about Disney. Too many to name. 

ANOTHER magical Wish. We had tried and tried. We were all on the phone night and day trying to get into this place to eat. NO DEAL it was booked solid. We checked for cancelations and got SERIOUSLY ARE YOU KIDDING? MR Brian with not even a finger lifted walked us up in there and We had a seat He told Bella to pick wherever she wanted to sit. What did she want to eat. she wanted to sit by the rose. So Guess where we sat.

you guessed it. By the rose. Every time the Rose chimed and it lightninged by the window THIS PICTURE:

                                                          Would  turn into the BEAST
                                   THE FOOD was SCRUMPTIOUS! Everything was amazing.
YA those were our desserts (that was mine in the middle)  THEY were DIVINE, The CHOCOLATE even had BE OUR GUEST in GOLD on it! I ate that chocolate too! hehe

 We also got to go to Belle's daddys house and I believe it was story Time with Belle. We got to PLAY with BELLE! HOW amazing is that. Another one of Ms Suzie and MR. Brians surprises for Bella.
She got to be  The Wardrobe. I am telling yall. IF YOU GET TO GO TO DISNEY. DO THIS if you have kids or not. IT IS WORTH the wait in line. (I am not going to tell you that we didn't wait in line though. which I am glad. It was warm and I was so exhausted)
This was the coolest thing going into her fathers work shop. PAY ATTENTION TO THE GREAT BIG MIRROR!!! all Im sayin.. can't get ANYTHING ELSE OUT OF ME nope not happenein'

THe surprises were never ceasing. They are the ones that BOOKED us into Crystal Palace as well. We couldn't get a reservation.  They went ABOVE and Beyond. Bella got her amazing wish (to eat at Be our guest and to Meet Belle) We all got to Eat at Crystal Palace Nana got to meet Eeyore her favorite. John got to see Tigger.  You saw my wish.
              I Think I cried so many tears. YES happy tears. Hard to explain Never thought we would be here.

 I got to meet the awesome Fairy God mother. My most favorite of all.. Bella got to see just about all she wanted to except a couple of the princesses and Tinkerbelle. she was hot about not getting to see the fairys. I told her she had to leave something for next time. BUT she was really upset about not getting to see Lambie at Holly Wood Studios. Introduce her LuLu To Lambie. But, . She got sick. so she didnt get to do all she wanted. But there is next time. I kept reminding her baby when you get sick you just cant do it all. This is a big place.  She was very upset.  I did my best to plan it so she could do a good bit. SHe loved magic kingdom and wanted to stay there the most. It is ok. I t hink again there is a reason for everything

MY most favorite thing about Disney.... Relearning that when you WISH BIG.. it can come true. take a chance you never know. I never in a million years expected this, asked for it or good gosh had a clue anything like this could happen. Sometimes you just have to sit back close your eyes and just THINK with your heart. Everything happens for a reason...   I know in my heart God knew what was about to happen and sent these angels to us. To make the most memories the most special memories that we could. We will never have another trip like this or more magical time like we did that week THings happened that I know won't ever again that I can't begin to explain.

ALWAYS my most favorite among favorite besides watching my little girl experience everything she did , reflecting on all these memories when I am having bad times like now and feeling just sick and horrible makes me smile. I have promised her we are going back. She is going to see Tinkerbelle and the ones she didn't get to meet. I am starting our list now. I won't forget our friends we made. I hope we get to see them again just for hugs!!!!!! Maybe a picture.  I will always get a photopass package. I will never regret it. If I had not. we wouldn't  have met these amazing angels.  There were so many others as well that brought happiness to us and helped us along the way.

AT The parades and The VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS party the wonderful ms Windy that was so kind to us Got us cookies and Hot Chocolate got us a GREAT place to be so my baby could see without mean people getting in front of her shoving her down. (YA really)
The photographer at Epcot that made us laugh so hard. While taking pictures.
main street Bakery laughing with nana and her scooter. I hope that place is there forever. I will always have those memories.

The sweet nurse that helped when Bella was so sick
The photo pass and Other Disney workers that came running when Bella SCREAMMMMMED at the top of her lungs (they thought if was she that was injured) when I zigged and Zagged to miss the kid and mom and LULU fell out of the front of my scooter and got a concussion to her head and needed bandaids and a tiara (thats what you do when a stuffed build a bear lamb gets a concussion and a little girl is screaming her head off that I KILLED HER I MUSHED HER HEAD SHE IS RUINED FOREVER)
ya we thank you and sorry for your shock and worry.

Watching this (below) with our  family and feeling tears roll down my cheek knowing how hard we worked to get to that moment because we NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS thought it would be possible. BUT we did it has to be the biggest best amazing memory of all though. Seeing her eyes light up and the WOWS did you SEEEE THAT ONE MOMMY and NANA LOOOOOK its pink its PINNNNKKK. I spent as much time watching her as I did the fireworks... LOVE my life my family more than stars up in that sky!



Saturday, January 12, 2013


Hey yall! PROUD mom here! I have to brag for a second. PLEASE let me. After all of the horrible December we went through, SOOO MUCH school my baby girl missed. SHE MADE ALL A and B's HIGH B'S at that on her report card (SEND IN THE MARCHING BAND!!!) WHEWWWHEWWW!
She is a VERYYY good student and smart kid. (not just mouthed)  I was concerned this term. She has missed SOOOOO much school. from our scheduled trip to Disney, her getting strep at Disney then well you all know our loss we suffered right after. She missed, ya, WAY more school than we had EVER intended.

 WE OWE SOOO MUCH THANKS to her teacher.To so many people, but, I want to focus this post on her teacher. Wow what can I say about a school. About dedication of a force of teachers and I am not just meaning my child on all of these kids. I see it all the time. They rally around these kids. THEY KNOW these kids.
 This woman has stayed after school. DURING HER OWN TIME mind you, During breaks,  Has worked with her way more than I could ever begin to expect.. I am humbled and so Grateful to Mrs. Hughes for all she does for these students. FOR ALL that all of these teachers and all that teachers in general do. SO VERY grateful. She needed extra arms and extra just I dunno how to put it into words,  with all she has been through and this school this teacher has jumped to be there. I am truly grateful for all they have done for her, for us. 

THAT is one of the reasons for this post. I haven't been posting much of the artwork I have been doing lately. I do most stuff for the joy of it and for my family these days.  I do still do some for a little magazine that I have done things for a long long Looooooooong time. I haven't even done that in a while. Between being sick so much the last year and Bella's schedule I just really had not done much of anything but keep up with her photos and our gift giving needs cards you know the drill. I just had to make something special though for her teacher. This verse is one of my very favorites and it just kept reaching at me and spoke to my heart. It just seemed to fit. I did it very quickly it should have taken me much longer and I felt it was messy. If I had taken my time (THAT I DIDN'T HAVE EEK I had maybe 2 days to get it done so ya... I rushed that puppy) Maybe it would have looked better. I think she liked it though.

John !5:5 Yes, I am the vine, You are the branches. 

I painted the canvas using various paints and assorted spray mists I had on hand please forgive me if I leave any product out it is not on purpose I will add later if I remember. . I used (bet you wouldn't have guessed this) News Paper,  First, I inked it well with Ranger Distress Stain by Tim Holtz Fired Brick, Then  rolled it dipped it and sprayed it with Shimmerz Vibez.  I glued it to the canvas then sprayed over the entire thing with  Shimmmeringz  Goldie Lox in Gold, (my favorite ever)   I used the Shimmerz paints on it as well. I used Prima flowers and Prima ceramics to accent after I painted them and sanded the paint back off lightly for a nice vintage look.  The flowers with vines cut well and wrapped around the paper vine letters I had made, to make the statement I wanted perfectly. I had seen a long time ago someone make one like this at a church somewhere, but couldn't remember exactly how they did it. It was hanging in a foyer. WAS HUGE. NO idea who had painted or made the huge sculptured piece but I remembered it and had always wanted to make one. Mine is NO WHERE EVENNNN close but I remembered the light shining on it in her colors she had and they had a spot light on it. Was at a huge church we visited when I was in my early to mid 20's. Ya I still remember that.  I tried various different ways to make these letters my scrap room floor is proof. (big ol mess)
 I came up with the news paper since it absorbed the colorings so easily and dried REALLY FAST I could shape it however and twist it and turn it and when it started drying, it kept the stiff shape after It sat with the sprays on it but the best part, IT WASHED OFF MY HANDS well. (ALWAYS A PLUS!!)

When the sun touched the canvas the next morning all that Gold on it was just sparkling so beautiful. I knew I had made the right choice. Some of the back ground when  you see it in person looks different. You get the general idea though. It was a good bit of work but was good therapy for what we were going through at the time. It is good to get  your hands all dirty some times. Helps your soul heal. You can wash it away at the end of the day and your thoughts with it. hmmm also,  I think she liked it just fine.I will let you see..

        I love the look on her face with Bella, when she opened it. (That is the very best part in my opinion!)

                                         I LOVE this photo look at their faces!!

                                           Can only imagine what Bella is telling her hahahaa!

Thank you so very much Mrs. Hughes and well, All of the teachers at CHCA. You are such an amazing school! Have made a huge difference in one little girls (and her parents) life!

Sunday, January 06, 2013

Wish Big.....

So I am sitting in my scrap room Looking around at this MESS everywhere thinking I need my fairy Godmother, You know the one I met at Disney world. LOVE HER so much.  When I see THIS:

I have trying to think of a word for 2013. 2012 was not so great. If you want the honest truth. ESPECIALLY the end of it. Although we WORKED so hard and we did accomplish a HUGE GOAL and my health did have it's back and forths, WE FINALLY saved up and paid each month and took Bella to Disney. We have never been so excited about going anywhere although we have never really BEEN ANYWHERE. Nana (John's mom had recently retired) and wanted to go with us. I jumped and said PLEASE do. I didn't know what my health would do and was thinking she could help out with Bella. Little did I know what was before us. Mom had retired wanting to spend more time with her grand children and I feel maybe I should have known better,  I sometimes wonder did she push herself too hard. Then think about her nature and I know her so well. She never would have told us. I kept looking at her the entire time and something kept telling me she wasn't ok. I even told Liz when we got back she wasn't acting herself. She had been coughing before the trip and a good bit during so I thought she was coming down with something. John treated she and I to an in room Massage mid week. I cherish that time I spent with her Laughing and girl talking.
Little did I know that would be the last time we would do that.

When we got back from that Dream vacation. John's mom, Bella's precious Nana My as you have heard me call her on this very blog, and those who have known me for the last 14 years... my mother in love went to be with Jesus.

Our hearts are broken. We worry so, about Dad.... I worry about my husband and ya, especially my child. I worry about my sister liz,  she was her best friend and they talked every day several times, I mean it's her mom. She has been in work mode and taking care of everyone. I am  praying for her constantly. I am thinking of her and have it in my mind if this or that might take a load off of  her some or would this make her smile maybe.
I worry about  all of her sisters and Brothers. UGHrFF sorry I just cannot say In law.. Because they are so much more than that. She told me from the get go. "SHE told me ewww do not call me MUTTTHER IN LAAAW it sounds so so.. cold.  love sounds.. right."

You would have to know this woman. She had the most beautiful heart. She just RADIATES love. She is so Gentle SO loving.  The most giving and unselfish loving nature. Her kids and grandkids did nothing wrong. She accepted me in with open arms and just made me her own. So did Johns daddy and his family. I had lost my father and my heart was so just broken. They always called me that day always supported me and always kept me positive. She was the most supportive person. She didn't speak negative. She only spoke words that were positive. She encouraged me constantly. To be a better person, wife, mother a better "Nancy."

Matter of fact that last talk we had before she went home that day she told me how proud she was of me. How hard she saw me fighting my disease and trying to beat M.S. She told me that she loved that about me and how proud of the mother I had become. The wife I was to John and she loved how I put them first. My mouth was on the floor. I have never received a better compliment in my life.        


Those are some big things to live up to but all I have ever aspired for. She knows it too. She saw the books I had laying around. The books on being positive. She knows I try so hard. The millions of photos I take for the scrapbooks I try to keep up with it all for my family. I was telling her all the things I was doing for my family for Christmas and for my mom and she was even  helping me shop/ look. She was helping me pick out things in the stores. I was telling her how my mother got the letter from walt Disneys office or someone to go to his animation school for drawing way back when. and How I would love to have it framed for her. I would love to have the photo of her she has with that statue of Walt Disney and mickey Mouse and that letter put into a big frame for her and we looked at the Disney frames and she was helping me decide.
She thought it was a splendid Idea.

 We looked at funny things and we tried on things and went to Main street Bakery. I teared up at the video my friend Brittney sent she is the Travel agent that planned our vacation. IT had the Main street bakery singing happy birthday in it. I felt maybe that was meant just for me as a little voice from above to always remember how funny it was nana trying to navigate that scooter in the bakery. And us looking at all those sweets and her going crazy saying "I JUST WANT ALLLLL OF IT"

And her laugh. That could just set off an entire room. Her in the back ground looking at Bella at cinderellas castle with tears in her eyes thinking the same thing that John and I were... "We are FINALLY HERE" we WISHED BIG! and IT FINALLY CAME TRUE. HEr laughing so HARDDD at me meeting the Fairy God mother. OMGOSH I was a fool. You would think I had met the Queen of England and to me I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE. I LOVE HER!!!

My favorites are the quiet moments Bella snuggling up with her. HER running to her and JUMPING INTO NANAS lap when I "ran over LULU" we will never forget that everrr. (or will about 10 Disney staff that heard Bella Screaming in front of Cinderellas Castle that "I MUSHED HER HEAD and couldn't be trusted with her in my scooter basket"
If a mommy with a 2 year old runs in front of me again and its them or lulu her lamb to JUST RUN EM DOWN... (she was not thinking straight I had just run over her LULU for heavens sake she would never say that in her right thinking ever)

But Nana held her tight wiped her tears and the Disney guy fixed it along with Daddy's help bandaids and a tiny tiara (thats what you do for a build a bear Lamb with a concussion) and then you take lots of pictures :) and get LULU a goofy to protect her.

Nana and I had races to the bus stop with Bella on foot every day to and from. Bella squealing and laughing and calling the race. Every now and then Nana would sneak up on me on her scooter and pass me and make a face or say WHERE WE GOINNNNNN... or DO I KNOW YALLLLL.... YOU FOLKS LOCAL? some funny phrase get us goin Bella would be steering or standing on the back. WITH LULU as she waved and did a foot out ballet move.. YA ONLY NANA....

I am so happy we all had that time. I  value these photos more than I ever imagined I would. We miss her. oh man I miss her.  I want to just pick up the phone and call her and say  WHAT? ARE  YOU KIDDING ME? this has to be a joke.
Im trying so hard to hold it all together. Bella needs me to. But I spend looooong times in the bathroom.
I know God has a reason for everything. And when I look back. He had a plan I know he did. Bella said it best that He planned for her to go on this trip with us she HAD to go it was her last thing to do before she went to heaven.

 I have had so much come to my mind through prayer.  Kinda like I don't want to say questions answered because No I don't think they were. But maybe just a little bit of solace.  A peace That I haven't had. Some say time does that. But not always.
Our back room has clothes of hers and some of our Disney souvenirs. I can smell her all over it just like she is there.

I catch Bella back there in our back room I know it is because, it smells like her. Bella has a mushy pillow and a blanket of hers. I keep asking her "do you want me to put them in zip locks so they wont loose the smell?" She says "nah Nana wont let the smell go away"

Oh, My baby. I wish that for you. That  you never forget those little things about her.  I have always and I can prove it. I did layouts all these years. for you to remember every tiny thing about that woman. One of the things was how she always smelled SOOO good. She wore perfume always and she always left that perfume trail.

We had a scrapbook board at the funeral that had layouts that I had made over the years of  all the kids and Mom and then the very last photo of all of us together it was the last photo we took.   YES I scrapped in the Hotel room for my mom in loves funeral.One of the hardest things ever. I knew it was important though for my family.  for her memory.  My liz needed it and my husband and my lil girl needed it.  THIS is the reason I scrapbook.  It is hard to look at right now for us. soon though. we can look and remember and it won't be as painful and we can smile.

Christmas was strange. Was extra strange since Liz's entire family got sick with the flu. John's daddy was going to be alone. We couldn't take it. We begged him to come here. He coudln't leave the dogs and he promised to watch his neighbors dogs or something or other. so we went to him. Which was good. It was strange though. Her not there. But was good to be with dad. Bella was not herself. at all. She tried. You could tell. She played with Lala a lot. She loves lala Nana's and Papa's dog. We  had been talking about a dog for some time inside the house. She is allergic to Lala though. Her skin breaks out so bad.
This is a 2011 photo...


I have to tell you heaven heard us and sent this dog. It has been a God send for this child. She has been a different child. She eats sleeps and breathes this dog. AND she is not allergic.  A dear friend had this dog not too far from us and let us get this dog from her.

so..... Meet Charley: Yes Bella named him.

Charley Brown Jones (ya she had been watching the Christmas specials)

He has brought life to this house and well our yard. HE still is not sure about the cats but HE LOVES Guido I am not sure Guido really knows what to make of him yet.
He loves chasing the cats and running around the yard full blast making Bella chase him IT IS HILARIOUS!
Could just kiss his face off!

         What you doin? whats that FLASHY THING UGHHHH STOPPPP MOMMMY!

Wanting us to CHASE  HIM...

                                                  Round and round and round the Yard we go....

                              Notice I am taking pictures while they are all running round and round....

So.. that is our new Pup... He is something else.  Keeps us laughing and on our toes. He is funny and such a little love puppy. into everything just like BELLA.  John won't admit it. BUT HE LOVES HIM TOO.

Wish Big yall... Dreams do come true.