Monday, October 27, 2008


My friend Tara aka Thynner from WeScrap posted a Blog Challenge today. IF you would like to participate feel free to join in. just send me the prize if you win bwahahahaha! just kidding.

The challenge is to talk about your greatest fear. and a bonus if you use it on a layout. Well I have actually had my greatest fear happen and I have scrapped it alot... (we had a big temp drop and I haven't felt real good and took my pain meds. I dont feel real good but IM going to try to do this. If It doesn't make sense Im sorry and will redo it. but It needs to be posted today. so here goes lol)
My biggest fear was always the thought of losing my daddy. I have always been a daddys girl. I was the youngest. I came along later and kinda "grew up" when my daddy grew up. I could talk to him. He "got me" He would let me drink some of his beer, He wouldn't get mad if I said pissed, or Bullsh*t (mama still gets mad about that!)I had just said it (that The worst thing that could happen to me was losing my daddy) too not 2 weeks before it actually happened. So I make a habit now to not put things out there in the universe. I think you can suggest things to the devil as your weakness.
I will never forget it either I was standing, up at the trailer talking to Todd Ellis and he asked me what was I gonna do. I was 23 years old going through a divorce from a GREAT BIG mean as a snake ex deputy sheriff that threatened to put my face through a wall if left. I told him that my daddy wouldnt let that happen. That I wasn't scared He said well your daddy cant protect you 24 hours a day. I said well that is my fear what would I do if something ever happened to my daddy and he couldnt be there. 2 weeks later to the day. My daddy (a Deputy Sheriff) pulled over a stolen vehicle and the kid that was driving it stabbed him to death.(You can read the article HERE) It was premeditated (not against my dad personally but to whomever got in his way he would do what he had to do to get away) who knows. what would have happened. so many scenarios go through my head of what coulda happened. what if daddy had not pulled behind him and the guy ran back to his truck. what if daddy had gotten his hands on that gun and shot that kid? Man I have replayed the trial and every situation so many times. I have the transcripts from the 911 call the trial transcripts, the tapes. the newspapers cards letters even a letter from the piece of crapps family asking us to PLEASE drop the charges against him cuz he had a "hard life" ya. seriously.
You dont wanna know what my reply was to them. Not sure if anyone even knows that I did reply to them, but I did. They know what I THINK of it. (I think I even said bullsh*t a time or too also if you wanna know the truth just for dad! probly a gth too!) They know the entire story of what kinda hard life my dad went through and all of us and that I am NOT sorry and I have no pity for him. I did NOT speak for everyone I spoke FOR ME. I said though what I figured MY daddy would have. That he was just gonna try to help him. That he didn't have to do that. What he took from me. What he did. And that NO, I dont drop any charge and NO even IF I COULD I wouldn't. He deserved MORE than what he got. HE gave my dad the WORSE. Not a day goes by I don't miss that man. and all because of Neal Joesph Kircher. Because he was on drugs and had the nerve to escape a drug rehab and stab my father to death and make MY BIGGEST FEAR a reality. so yeah that was my fear and it came true.

so now my fear is to state my fears out loud. I see it too often, Someone scraps a fear and it happens, someone says a fear... it happens. I dont like that kinda stuff. I have the layout about my dad Here it is.

August 28, 1995 12:18 pm
rings through my memory
like a freight train. The day
that changed all of our lives
forever. This kid that was
hard up for a fix escaped
A drug rehab and stole a
vehicle. You happened to
be the first one to spot the
vehicle. When you pulled
over he stabbed you till
your death. That road now
Has your blood on it, but
It also now bears your name.
So much was taken from
Us that day ,From the world,
our family Our community. The
Sheriff’s Department lost a
deputy, many lost a friend,
many Lost an uncle, a grand
father A brother, a husband,
and a Daddy.
You were so much to so many
It is easy to see that that day,
when you died. Part of me
died with you. I had no idea
the road that lay ahead of us.
How much things would change.
You truly were the glue that held
us all together. We all seemed
lost and unsure what to do after
that. SO many would say
Oh I know how you feel I lost
My dad or brother or whatever
they had cancer or heart failure.
It’s not the same. We went through
A trial, a long trial, waiting years
for justice to be served. We
fought the drug rehabs for better
security and more chaperones
For stiffer penalties for drug related
Crimes. We succeeded on a few.
We have endured the fact it happened
3 miles from our home we all loved.
I eventually would move because
It is just too painful. Some ONE
took your life. Killed you. Not
Only did that kid kill my
Daddy that day. He took
Away my sense of security
And yeah He took my GLUE.
Its been 11 years now.
People want to move on
But how can we move on
When we don’t want to forget

What we love so much.


Tara said...

That was so powerful my friend!! You moved me to tears. I love and adore my Dad too. He is my Glue and I am grateful every day to still have him with me. I am so sorry that you lost your Dad so tragically. ((hugs))
Thanks so much for sharing your fear with us!

Heather said...

Your story is so powerful, so tragic. I know what it is like to try to find my way in a world without my Daddy, but I can't even begin to comprehend what you have gone through and will always carry with you. My heart goes out to you and your family. My Daddy died and that was hard enough. To have your Dad stolen from you in such a horrific way ... I am so sorry that this happened to you, I am so sorry that you lost your Dad. I am sending you big {{{{hugs}}}}}

Jocelyn said...

Oh My Goodness.... I have tears streaming down my cheeks! What a powerful story my friend and what an unbearable loss! I still have my Daddy and I am calling him right now just to tell him I love him. He is having surgery on Thursday, so say a prayer for him. You are one tough cookie, chickie and I am so blessed to have found you! Sweet Tuesday, my friend!

Anonymous said...

Aww sweetie i am so sorry you have so much pain in your heart. {{hugs}} to you

Ki said...

Oh my goodness Nancy... what a profoundly touching layout. Your journaling is just so personal - I am so sorry for your loss. Thankyou so much for sharing this.