Thursday, October 19, 2006

Forwarding on the challenge..

My friend Annette forwarded me a blog entry from another friend of hers that did a challenge on ~~>
This front page of the Parade. IF YOU HAD ONE DAY TO SPEND WITH SOMEONE WHO'S GONE... Who would it Be? What would you do?

Wow perfect timing Annette. I Definitly would choose my daddy. NO doubt without hesitation. I miss him more than words will ever say. There is no word to describe how much I miss him. I went home last Saturday and took Bella to the Pumpkin Patch. We went down "daddys Road" I call it. The road that he was killed on and later renamed the BObby McCrary Memorial drive. I tried to explain to Bella that this was her Pawpaw's road. She asked the normal 3 year old questions.. "Did He build it?' no I replied, "he didn't build it. "Then why is it Pawpaw's road?' "Becaus,e he was such a special man that they named it after him." "Oh ... CAN I have some more pink gum?"
We were traveling down that road (you have to so you can get to the pumpkin patch) and taking photos. I wanted a better photo of his sign for the book I am working on of his life. I havent gotten too far it hurts my soul. I did work on the page last night for my That Design Team sponsor pages for next months sponsor on Scrap that Moment. It is hard but IT is going to be a beautiful dedication page. I want to add happy pages too though so BElla will KNOW the man we loved so much. Not just that he died.

How do you explain something like that to a baby? I know he knows her. But the first thing I would do is tell him everything about her and John. Tell him How I met John and How he saved me and takes such care of me. How he loved me back to reality and made me wanna get on with life somewhat and that IT Was OK TO LIVE. I will tell him how I always saw him ,well see him, all over Bella. Her mannerisms and things she says, and I know he is whispering just what for her to do to get on my nerves and pay me back haha.
I wouldTell him that the Atlanta Braves won the world series right after he died and I Know he had to have put in a good word for them cuz they sucked so bad the year before. Tell him how much mama misses him and we all miss him. How I lay awake at night wondering what it would be like if he were here, and how life just isn't the same without him here and how life went so crazy after he was taken from us. Tell him I know he didn't want to go but I know he had to. Yes, tell him the bastard that did it is in jail and not to fear I will not rest, he will serve out his ENTIRE sentence and he better pray he never sees the light of day from anywhere but behind bars if it is my last breathe in me. SO HELP ME!
I do think about what it would be like if he was still here.. Would I live in Alabama? Probably not.. he wouldnt let me take that baby to ALabama, he would have had me arrested or road blocks set up and an amber alert in full force before I hit the Rankin county line. (ha ha) But also living there wouldn't be so hard for me if he was still there. Would I have gotten so sick? I know he would spoil Bella totally rotten and take her riding in his old truck. He would let her play with his glasses, Teach her inappropriate songs like he taught me, How to belch the Abc's and let her change the channel on the tv with the remote. (Something we were never allowed to do.) I know he would sneak her a never ending supply of pink gum and grin as she smacked it, enjoying every chew of the flavor it holds. He would get pure delight out of her cowboy boots and how sassy she is in them. He would giggle at her ways and her sayings. She would be his buddy no doubt. We would walk along that road they named after him and Id ask him what he would change about his time he spent here. He always asked me that when something happened good or bad.. what would you change. I'd hug him tight and tell him just how much I love him and wish he was here and How much I miss him and He would grin and say HEY it aint that bad, it could be worse. Then he would say "Dang your a good lookin kid, cuz you look like me." wink at me along with his mischievious grin he always had,

and probably toss me a lifetime supply of pink gum.

What about you? Who would you like to see? What would you Say? What would Yall do?


Scrappytbear said...

OMG that is amazzing. there is no way I could do that, you are very brave. Great answer!

your girl chelsea morning said...

Nancy, I love you.
You're such an amazing writer--I run with your words.
I want to be there so I can hug you now. I want to take away some of your pain.

*Jeanne* said...

WOW Nancy! You always have the most direct and amazing writing. I love it! HUgs girlie

DivaMom said...

Great challenge, Nancy! Thanks for the inspiration!

Kim - ScrapToMyLu said...

Very sweet and sad Nancy girl. Maybe you should use that blog post for journaling for a layout about your dad?

Suzanne said...

Oh Nancy, God Bless, I have been so touched reading your thoughts and your dreams. I'm sure your Bella will know for sure what a great man your Daddy was.