~~~~~~~~~~~~ They just called me back told me not to wait till 3 pm for my appt they are admitting me now so they can get the iv in and get me started on this medicine through iv.
Well I got good news and bad news. what you want first? it has been a suck day in a bad way. i have cried a thousand tears that this day would never come and Im really not a happy camper. the shingles in my ear have caused me to have a condition called bells palsy where my face is numb and i cant feel my nose or move the top part of my lip. but that is the good news. yeah i know im not happy abpout this either. I also knw that Im probubly butchering the spelling of this post in a bad way but they have me on alot of medication right now and im in bed. but Let me introduce to you my new best friend. The walker. yeah it has come to my attention that i cant walk too good and that im in need of this real beauty. yeah aint it cool. this is the ugliest thing i have ever seen in my life. it wrenches of nursing home and old peopel sorry if you are either one of these. but what im so upset is im 38 years old and have a 4 year old daughter that doesnt understand why her mama catn walk too good right now. my kidneys are doing some kinda number on me and messing up my legs; I am in a MAJOR lupus flare up so IF yall dont see me online that is why. I have stepped down from all my design teams for now or actually just put everything on hold parying this day woudl never come. the medicine they have me on is turning me into areal bitch even more so than normal. The dr offered me a cane and John was thinking hmm they got her on that medicine ... that may not be a good idea cuz it will extend her reach and she may beat the tar out of one of hte nurses or someone. Im probably going to be going back into the hospital tomorrow. He wanted to put me in today but we didnt have anyone to keep bella. My neighbors have the flu adn also bella is a very sensitive child. she instead of getting upset about stuff will wet her pants at school and act out and have night mares so we are trying to help my little girl come to grips with the fact that mommy is not doing good and may have to go in the hospital for a while. That mommy cant walk and her face is paralysed.
I have to tell you though as I sit here typing through the tears. How much I want to thank all of you for your prayers and to my friends that caem to visit me yesterday; That meant more to me than you will ever know in a million years. If I died tomorrow I would be so proud I had that day and KNOW these women along with my family and close friends will help me get this scrap book finished for my little girl and have her know her mommy loves her more than anything in this entire world. That she is the reason I am still here. HEr and my husbandl. which i love more than anything. I will fight his really hard and get all these picutres scrapped so help me. So any of my local friends that would like to come if your not sick, Im talking you cannot have a cold a sniffle anything, and help me scrap tehse pages I would love you forever. my goal right now is all these old photos whiel my mother is here we are going to write down who all these peopel are. so I can scrap this for Bella. IM not saying IM gonna die right now. but this is very scary to me and making alot of things more real and I know right now that I have to work hard to finish this either direction. So if any of you want to come scrap with me I cnt get out but IF YOU HAVE NO COLD NO FEVER NO SNIFFLE you can come here :)I want bella to know all about her mom. I know she is 4 and "know me" but I want her to KNOW me how I grew up who my parents were who my grandparents were everything all my cousins what i love my favorite smells. everything.
So this is my goal right now. NOT the perfect pages that get published NOT THE pages that are hanging on walls in my house. IF I happen to have one I think is really good YEAH I woudl love to send it in. My goal is and has always been to have a page in each magazine. I have accomplished most of that. but ya know what.... THIS is the real heart of scrapbooking people; THIS IS THE REAL REASON I STARTED THIS IN TEH FIRST PLACE. IM SICK and IT IS ALL FOR MY LITTLE GIRL AND MY HUSBAND AND MY FAMILY.
SO Im gonna leave you right now with this thought. IF YOU SCRAP... why do you scrap. what is the REAL REASON that you scrap. and HOW IS IT WORKING FOR YOU?
MIne isnt working so good so im gonna go crawl in my bed. Im gonna have my little girl come crawl in bed with me and we are gonna watch cinderella for the 495th time. WHY? because I LOVE to hear her sing the songs and say mommy YOU are beautiful like the fairy godmother (KNOWIN I LOOK LIEK SHREK AND SOMETHING MORE LIEK AN EXTRA IN A MICHEAL JACKSON VIDEO RIGHT NOW)
so anyway. I may not update my blog so much. I may not be on the message boards, I may not be online too much in the next while since IM undergoing all this treatment; but please pray for my husband and pray for my little girl and my mother (and that I dont get mean and hurt them because of this medicine I DONT MEAN IT I SWEAR everythng gets on my nerves with this med IM on) but they are the ones that are gonna suffer the most right now. so please keep them in yoru thoughts and prayers and well if you feel liek it I woudl appreciate a prayer for me too. Thank you all so much my online friends for keeping me distracted when Im in pain. for laughing with me and my sillyness and my boob jokes and the funny antics of my child. Thank you for crying with me when liek right now I dont understand why this is happening to me and how UNFAIR it is to my husband and little girl and my family.
If I have offended you, I hate it and im sorry. There is probably nothign I can do about it right now. But I will be honest with you. RIght now, in the grand scheme of life, THIS is just scrapbooking yeah I love it and it helped me through alot of times, but spits and spats over the little things are not important to me right now. spending time making memories with my family adn trying to fight this horrible disease so I can see my little girl grow up for if I can get just another year or two Ill be happy. but with lupus who knows I coudl have 20 nore years or I coudl have 1. it is a horrible misunderstood disease and my dr is scratching his head and chewing me out saying IM NOT TAKING TH IS SERIOUSLY AND ITS TIME FOR YOU TO GET SERIOUS OR YOU MAY NOT BE AROUND MUCH LONGER. so Im gonna get serious and fight this as hard as I can. Cuz I have this HUGE box of photos to scrap and I have to get it done for BElla cuz honestly if truth be known, ALL OF THIS is for her and to make her proud of her mommy, cuz even though IM SICK, THIS is the ONE THING I am able to do, I CAN SCRAP, I want her to be proud that her mommy did somethign besides just lay n bed and complain and cry.
so there you have it people. there is my heart laying out on the table. I have just been gods honest and told it liek it is. NOW IM gonn alter this bad boy before I get too sick to do so, PASS ME MY BLING AND MY FLOWERS WE HAVE A WALKER TO ALTER (thinking a horn and a sign that says get the he** out of my way would look groovy on teh front)
THank you all so much
I LOVE YA and I MEAN IT!
47 comments:
Love ya to bits Nancy and you know I am here whenever you need to vent, cry or just chat! Keeping you in my thoughts! LYMI!
Nancy I 'm so sorry you have to go through all this girl! I'm here whenever you need me!
LOVE YOU!
i love you girl and you know my ass will be back...i'll help you scrap!!
maybe we can party all night and sleep all day!! ahhh that sounds like a plan....
i'll see you soon...{{{{HUGS}}}}}
is there room in your house for 2 bitches...i mean i am just asking ya know...;)
Greta I love you an all but im tellin you now you still aint gonna take john with you rofl and yes yall can stay here and he will cook for you but you cant take him with you bwahahhaa.
hmph!! you just no fun!!
i'll take that kick ass cooking though...girl i need him to cook another pork "LION" bwhahaha
that shit was delish!!
I too am typing through tears. I will pray for all of you every day. You'll get through tis Nancy, you have before. You're stronger than the Lupus, I know you are!
Hugs and prayers for you Nancy!!!!
oh gosh...just tearing up here reading this...and I know you must be in a ton of pain.
hugs...wish I was closer and could actually DO SOMETHING for you...but I offer you my prayers...and hoping you can get some relief from the pain you are in.
HUGS girlie.
my thoughts and prayers are with you and your sweet little girl! get better soon!
Oh my goodness Nancy, I had absolutely no idea you were going through this until this post. I have only known you online for a short time but I enjoy visiting your blog and was so surprised to read your entry today. My heart is breaking for you and I am typing through tears at the moment. My thoughts and prayers are definitely with you!! I so wish that I lived closer to you so that I could help you during this time. I would totally love to help you scrap!! If you'd like, I could send you my address and you could send me some photos to scrap a few pages for you! I would love to help you in some way and contribute to your album for your family. You are going to be around for a long time though but I would still enjoy creating some pages for you!
Nancy, I just love you to death. I am praying for ALL of you. I wish you to get WELL!! Call me if you need to talk...you know I'm here for you 24/7!! HUGS sweet friend. (and stop making me cry dang it!)LOL...you're the bestest!!
Keep smiling girl. I know its tuff, but so are you. Everyone is here to support ya. Your gonna have the best damn looking walker around. Hey that could be a new hobby, blinging walkers. :)
Just found your blog through Greta. I was all teary eyed reading this post......I don't even know what to say. It seems you have a great support system....I know from having a daughter with many health, physical and mental issues that you have to take one day at a time. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Hugs to you!
Nancy, I love you to pieces hun and I wish, oh how I wish I could take your pain away!! I am sitting here with tears thinking this is just so damn unfair!! I wish you were close so I could do anything to help! And to wrap my arms around you in a huge hug!! I will be praying for you like a mad woman!! (((gentle hugs)))
Now I gotta get off here cause I am just bawling...
Nancy, you are in my prayers and know that there is lots of love for you here too! (((HUGS)))
I know that we have only known each other through TTS but you have held my hand through my sister's death, you have made me laugh, you have made me cry. YOU ARE a remarkable woman!! You have strength you have not even begun to find yet. God is with you! You have so many people supporting you and praying for you! I know our scrap style are different but if there is anything I can create to help you just e-mail me the pictures. Stay strong and as hard as it is...lean on others. You don't have to do it all and you don't have to do it alone!
Blessings,
Nancy, my prayers will be with you everysingle day. Live day by day, your are a positive person and remember the power of the mind is amazing so keep in this way and focus in the path that you are. God is close to you and with your family you are not alone.
Keep it up girl
Oh my goodness, girl!! What an inspiration you are! Battling this horrible thing you've got and still putting your friends and family first! I love that in spite of the meds you're still wearing your creative hat. Get out that BLING and those FLOWERS and let's get this contraption all gussied up! Like my DD says ...'Embrace what you cannot change!' And, that's soooo coming through in your post today.
You are so right ... YOU CAN SCRAP!! You're an awesome scrapper .. but, I'm actually glad that you're back on track .. knowing that your scrapping for Bella. It's not the magazines and the books your published in .. althought I'm sooo jealous ... it's ALL about preserving the memories and telling the stories. So, if this 'bump' in your road was what it took to bring you back to your roots ... then HOORAY!!!
{{{Big giant hugs}}} girl!! Prayers are COMIN' YOUR WAY!! I just KNOW you'll be BACK in no time!
My heart goes out to you. I can't say it any other way "LUPUS SUCKS". MY thoughts and prayers are with you. Keep fighting cause God's got beautiful plans for you. Huggs to my fellow lupie friend
awwww.....love you chickie and if i can help just fling photos my way. WHATEVER you need. hugs and prayers - you are on my list. stay tough and hang in there. you are too strong to take this laying down (pun intended).smirk.
We love you Nancy! Sending you ALL my very very best. Hugs to you Nancy!!
Oh my friend...I'm am so sorry!
You have the right attitude. Fight, fight, fight and preserve the many memories. My prayers are for you, your husband, your daughter and your Mom. Hang in there!!
You are in my prayers Nancy! HUGS!
Oh no.....I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you get to feeling better very soon. Thank you for your discussion on "why we really scrap". I think I needed to hear that right now.
Take care.
Nancy, I am thinking about you and your family. I will keep you all in my prayers. Take care of you.
I am sure you will ride this wave with lots of spirit and that blinged up walker. It will be like no other I am sure.
Prayer and hugs to you!
ds(((NANCY)))
My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Love and hugs Nancy!! You're a strong woman and you CAN DO THIS! Bella has the best mommy in the world and don't you forget it!
HUGS n Prayers
Veronica
Nancy, I admire you so much. You really have a pizzazz that no one can match! I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Wish I lived closer to help you scrap or whatever! I will definitely be praying for you and your family; I think your strength of character will get you through this! I hope you start feeling better soon!
Here from Greta's blog. You'll be in my prayers.
Nancy! I love you and miss you so much! I'll be praying for ya sister! If you need a good laugh or just want to catch me up on life...please call me! I really do miss you and just because I suck at updating my blog and am never online anymore doesn't mean you don't have the right to call me or send me an email and yell at me! I miss your laugh and watching Idol in different time zones together! I love ya, girl!
You are a fighter and you will beat this and be back making us laugh and be in awe of your work. Bless you and your family
Looks like I need to come back up there! {planning now...}
I will happily scrap my bootie off for ya woman, just show me the photos online or mail 'em to me and consider it done.
I hope you know I am here for ya, even if I feel like I am a million miles away and we can chat anytime...I am so glad that I can call you my real, in person, friend now!
Sending all my good vibes and positive energy down to you and that awesome hubby of yours and little Miss Bella too!
Ok sweet thing... Here's the ticket. I've had bell's Palsy four - YES count them 4 - FOUR - times. Three times in one 18 month period. It's all good and all those steriods will do you a world of good. Yes it's scary precious, but this too shall pass!!
I"m so sorry you're having to go through so much. I"m worried about you too. Lots of prayers coming your way and your family's way too. I talked to my rheumy about you today and wanted to share with you what they said.
Lots of love, gentle hugs and many many prayers. Keep the faith doll!
Lis
Nancy, I had no idea you were having such a hard time. I am so sorry. You have been through hell and back. And I can't imagine how hard this is for you and your family.
I will be sending you energy and healing thoughts daily.
Take care my friend.
smooches
Can John leave updates?
Honey I can't wait to see that walker when you are done with it - I was serious about the skull and crossbones!!
You are such an inspiration - you have more stick-to-it-ness than anyone I know and you will conquer lupus like Jesus conquered sin - victory is in your hands my dear friend!
oh nancy, i'm so sorry to hear that you are not doing well. please take care of yourself and know tht you remain in my prayers.
Nancy, you are such an inspiration in so many ways. Keep fightin' girl. You and you family are in my thoughts and prayers
My goodness Nancy ! You sure have a lot of stuff on your plate right now!
I would love to complete a page or two for Bella's album! If you send me some pictures, I will create some pages and mail them back to you with journaling space! I would love to do that for you!
Sending you lots of healthy prayers!
Your scrappy pal, from iScrap,
Ally!
(((hugs)))
allisonnicolecopeAThotmailDOTcom
Oh Nancy I'm so sorry things aren't going well for you right now. You know that you are in my prayers and your family too. I wish I could do something to help. Call me. I know some scrappers who would love to scrap some pages for you. I can't come over and do it becuase it's allergy season and everyone around here except Craig has the sniffles. He said he could come over and pick up some pics for me to scrap. I'm going to a crop next weekend and I know several there who would scrap a page for you. I'm also scrapping at home Friday night and could do some then. Call me. Just let me know. Call me when you can or have John call. Lots of Love girl!
Nancy,
This is my first time here at your site. I too suffer from autoimmune issues and i can relate to the way you feel about that walker. My thoughts and prayers go out to you for a quick recovery!!
blessings
Michelle
Nancy, we don't know each other. Tho I do feel like I know you a little. I stumpled onto your blog one day, and have been checking it out.
You're an AMAZING person, you manage stay humorous and be funny. You're so unbelivably strong. I cannot begin to imagine what you're going trough, and don't intend to.
I am rambling here, but what I really meant to say it THANK YOU; thank you for making me remember to appreciate the little things in life. thank you for being my inspiration.
I will stay tuned for good news
hugs from Annita, Denmark
hope you get well soon Nancy!
I have not scrapped for a while, I had forgotten why it was so important. Thank you so much for helping me to remember and stop taking forgranted my more insignificant health issues. You so rock and if Greta is coming, I want to come too! ;)
Nancy, My heart just goes out to you--I'm so sorry that you;re hurting! Your little girl sounds just precious. {{{Huge hugs!}}}
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